I'm Done For

This is the End

Well, it's the end of the second term, and this is it for me.

At first it was a great time: the freedom, no attendance taken at classes, the lack of anyone to tell you do do stuff, the far-in-the-future deadlines, the booze, the parties ...

I survived, barely, at Christmas. Sweet talking the profs, deadline extensions, minor revisions and paraphrases of others' already-marked work. Warnings, but nothing that couldn't be shrugged off.

Second term not so good. Procrastination was about the same. But less fun, more hangovers, more guilt. More people looking funny at me. More rolling of eyes on the part of the profs.

The same last-minute scramble as in December: to get stuff in, to make excuses, to have deadlines extended. Fewer people to get work from to make alterations to and then to hand in. A couple of really negative letters from the admin.

And now, the exams. Not a good scene for me because I really don't know anything at all. Everyone else seems to be doing allnighters -- amphetamines but no recreational drugs, and no parties, that's for sure. But I'm so far out of it that nothing will do me any good. I just don't seem to know where to begin. One person emailed me a summary of all her notes for the exam; I couldn't make anything at all of anything she had written.

So as far as further education is concerned, that's it for me. A wasted year. Worse. All my savings consumed. My parents' contributions gone. They don't know much about what's been going on; I've been able to be optimistic with them up to now, and now they're soon going to get a big shock.

And the future. Will anyone hire me? Will I ever be able to afford to go to school again? Will I ever get accepted anywhere else anyway? Will anyone want to be friends with a person like me?

Doubtful.

I'm done for.