Conflict Between Perfectionism and Workload

In my program, historically, there has been a dropout rate of around 30% at the end of the first year, after which there are far fewer people who quit. The profs tell you this right at the beginning, but the program's reputation is such that everyone thinks they know how brutal the workload will be. But they just think they know. No-one can really understand until they've actually experienced it.

I thought I was well prepared for the workload. In high school, I had deliberately made heavy demands on myself; I chose the most demanding courses, did some college classes in my last two years to get college credits, and participated in lots of sports and clubs. I knew that I needed a very competitive resume to get into this program so I wanted to show as much as I could that I was well rounded, that I participated in things, and that I took my academics seriously. But another of my objectives was to acclimatize myself to the workload that I knew would be coming once I was in the program.

I also did a Summer College program here to get a feel for what was to come. Although the work was as demanding as I thought I could handle, I told myself, ‘this is great, I am always able to work hard all the time so I will be okay. And now I have gotten a really good start’.

Then I came in to the program and I couldn't believe the workload. Before, I'd never really had to stay up past 1 or 2 in the morning to finish things. And I wasn't used to having to finish something before I was really done with it. I had always been something of a perfectionist and hated having to rush through things; so I would get behind by wanting to add one more thing in order to make it as good as it possibly could be. But now there wasn’t time and I had to accept that that this work just had to be good enough and finished with so I could begin the next thing that needed to be done, which there was not enough time for either.

As a result, I have slowly and painfully come to the realization that not everything has to be perfect and there are just some compromises that have to be made. At times I have had to pick and choose what must suffer at the expense of another assignment. Often, I want to perfect my work for another hour but that hour just isn’t there. I hate having to finish doing something that I know I can improve on. However, it’s even more terrible to get behind because there’s no way of catching up. Accepting this has been hard for me and I still don’t like it. I don’t like these sometimes unrealistic deadlines at all. But although my classmates and I must sometimes skip meals, sacrifice our social agendas, give up free time, or pull all-nighters for such deadlines, it is extremely rewarding to be pleased with the end result and finish alongside your friends.

I wrestled with it and now I think that I've worked it through. You can either make it as good as you can to turn it in on time, or you can make it as good as it can possibly be and not have time for the next assignment. You can't always make everything perfect because there is a great chance you'll get too far behind. And your top priority has to be managing your time such that you produce the highest quality you can in the allotted time.