A Pause in my Plans

I dropped out of University a few months ago. I have to admit that more than one thing went into the decision. It's really hard to be at one University and to have the person you care about the most at another. Chat, texts, free IP phoning and videoconferencing: nothing comes close to being together. But I was seemingly thriving, and getting high marks, so it was all quite a shock to lots of people: parents, friends, Profs.

High marks were part of the problem. I could have continued, but I came to the point around Christmas that I'd just lost academic steam, and wouldn't be able to put out my maximum effort to get the kind of marks that I was used to. The choice that I was facing was getting mediocre marks or accepting a pause in my studies. And I needed space from the academic world. Really needed it. Really needed it now.

I'd felt the problem coming on for a while -- each semester seemed more uphill than the previous one had been. Actually, I'm quite proud that I lasted as long as I did. I do wish, though, that the University had some scheme or some counselling or at least some information that would have brought the idea of time away into my mind so that I could plan ahead, make the decision at leisure in an organized way, get the arrangements made for money, travel, whatever. Then I could feel good about a rational choice, as opposed to what I feel now, which has an element of defeat and humiliation in it.

In other countries, I've learned, what's referred to as a "gap year" is rather common. It's an accepted and normal part of University life, most commonly just before people go, but also as part of what students can do while they're there. There are some who never come back, of course, but also others who make decisions while away that radically change their University program from what they'd intended and expected before. Presumably, the new direction is one that suits them better than their original one.

I know I will go back to school and finish. I still have the same goals; I haven’t changed direction. And I have begun to miss it. I miss learning things; even though I can always find other things to learn and fill that gap, it's not the same as being in a class I like. I feel now that when I am ready to go back to it, I will go back with new energy and focus and be able to graduate with honours in both majors.

The time away so far has been wonderful for me; I have had a chance to travel and do things that I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to do. Maybe I'd never have had the chance to do them; I'd probably have just gone straight into a job, a career.

I'm far from the only person who could benefit from the course of action I'm taking. Mostly, I would think, no-one else would ever know what was happening, but it would show in lower marks as the person's enthusiasm declined.

My advice to freshman students would be: be aware that this might happen to you. If you see it coming on, consider the options well ahead of the time when you need to decide. Tell people what you're considering, and benefit from their reaction to what you say. Then in the end, if time away seems to be what you need to regain your enthusiasm, go for it.