How am I doing and how do I know how I'm doing?

One of the problems I have is not knowing how I'm doing in the various courses. Some courses have tests, so we can bring them home and compare how we did with others who are taking the same course. But what about the other hundreds of people who are there? There's no real way to know.

Worse, though, are the courses that don't have tests; the first thing we do that they'll see is a paper that has to be handed in sometime in October. First of all, of course, with all the other things we have to do, and all the other things that are going on like people coming by and saying, "Come on, let's go and ...", it's hard to find time to even begin it. For me, I neglect it for a while and I wake up in the night and go into a panic attack about it, because I haven't done it. Well, actually, haven't begun it. Then the next morning I get up and put it all out on my desk and open windows on the computer before I go to breakfast or the first class of the day. Then when I get back home, it's there and it's hard not to notice it or to do anything else at my desk or even on the computer -- I'm too afraid that if I do start something else it'll crash the computer and everything I've opened up will be lost. Then I might not be able to remember everything that's was there.

So I have a strong incentive to begin it, then I get into it, and with any luck I get interested in it and actually want to continue doing it. Actually, I've done this twice up to now, and one of the papers I've actually finished! In September. And the deadline was October 29th! Feels really good.

But then there's still the original problem: I don't know whether it's the kind of thing that will get good marks. How do I know what the prof wants? I've read all the instructions and guidelines over and over again; they look quite clear and my paper fits into them quite well. But rumours keep going around, seemingly originating with people who were in the same course last year, that he's a really harsh marker and that he trashes people to the point that they're in tears. The paper looks good to me, and to a couple of people I've shown it to. (But then they would say that, wouldn't they? And there are some I wouldn't show it to because I don't want my ideas stolen.)

So I still have the uncertain feeling. People I've talked to in second and third years say it's normal, and that I should get used to it or get over it. Yeah right. Maybe I should try to get one of the TAs to help me; they're not really supposed to do your work for you, or even to help you with the papers, but I might get some insights about what the Prof really wants. Or maybe I could find some second-year students who I could talk to about this Prof. Then again, they've all got their own stuff to deal with, so why should they worry about someone like me? Still, I'll be on the lookout for the opportunity.