Freeing Yourself

I really like routines. I like structure and knowing what’s going to happen and I always want the things that I’m doing to have a purpose. This might sound really terrible, but to me it’s great because it provides stability for my life. Sure, there is loads of flexibility within the given structure, but the stability is still there as a fallback.

I have this pre-exam ritual that I’ve been slowly building on since my freshman year. I have to be alone in my room an hour before the exam. I watch the same YouTube videos, listen to the same playlist of songs and essentially get myself in the zone for exams. I always bring 3 blue Bic ballpoint pens and 2 Number 2 Ticonderoga pencils to the exam with me. I had a friend ask me once if he could borrow a pencil from me and I had to say no. I always sit in the front of the examination room, always line up the pens and pencils the same way, everything. I do the same thing after exams too. It sounds really OCD and crazy, but I’ve gotten so used to doing things this way, I would feel unlucky if I broke the trend.

Why do I bring this up? Well, first off, I thought you were all reading this because you wanted to learn ALL about me. Just kidding. I know it’s because you’re bored and don’t want to study. But there is a deeper purpose behind this, I swear! This year I’ve been really lucky because I’ve broken pretty much all of the rituals and habits I got into last year (except for the exam one, obviously). And you know what? Sure it was scary and the unknown wasn’t as comfortable or as safe as the routines and practices of before, but I think that I learned a lot more this year than the prior year.

I think if I had to go back and make a new New Year’s Resolution, it would be to be more spontaneous and to just do things because I can. I remember one weekend night, my friends and I got a bunch of fireworks and shot them off. We didn’t go to the pub or out to any parties, but spent probably an hour searching, finding, and firing off the fireworks. It was amazing and one of the most fun times I had this term. It was simple, easy, and spontaneous.