Pride

I look back on everything that has happened to me as a College student in the past few months, and I still cannot believe that so much time has passed already. I’m already being asked to reflect on things that seem like a blur, reflecting upon what my classes have taught me, my experiences, and my challenges.

An often not talked about issue with any kind of student is pride. I’ve had a major issue with this ever since I can remember. No matter how much help I actually need on any kind of subject, I will not seek it. I won’t talk to teachers, my parents, not even friends for any kind of assistance (other than, unfortunately, cheating). Personally, it’s because I feel that academia is the one thing that I am, or should be, good at, so if I got assistance, that would mean I’m just like everybody else. This has been quite an issue for me until this year.

I still remember the day that it hit me. We were in a class called “Strategies for College Success” naming off things which prevented us from academic success. A guy in the room blurted out “pride”. I had never really though of it as a condition, but after the discussion that ensued, I knew that’s what it was. Before then, I figured I was just a rare, obnoxiously stubborn student; but now I know I’m not the only one with this problem. When the issue of pride was addressed, I remember someone opening their statement with “Get over it” or something to that effect. It really did something for me. Nobody on this planet gets by without a little assistance, so who am I to deny it? I definitely learned that day that it’s okay to swallow my pride once in a while for the greater good. This lesson has already helped me in my experiences in college life, in more ways than solely academic.

Although I can’t say I am completely cured of my pride complex, I must say that it is getting better. Coming here, I figured I would have a normal experience, with nothing out of the ordinary happening to me (even, dare I say, easy). Little did I know I was in for a rude awakening, in more ways than one. Thinking that this whole experience would be a breeze caused my work to be lacking, therefore I got a bad start in two of my classes. Because of my arrogance, I put myself in a bad position which I am still squirming to get out of. I am hoping that in this second half of the semester, I can pick things up and salvage what I can and do better, which sounds like I’m waving the white flag but it is all I can do at this point. Although I hadn’t learned the pride lesson in time to save my current grades, I am proud to say that it has possibly saved me from getting into future trouble.

Another horribly misconception I had about college was that I would be in this little safe bubble which no one could or would penetrate. I was recently reminded of the fact that this world likes to throw curveballs. In high school, when someone would have an issue with me, my prideful self would not back down and it would eventually boil over. But at last week’s football game, a fairly large fan bumped into me, and then proceeded to act as if I had slapped him in the face. He began to curse and spit at me like tomorrow would never come. In the past, I would not have backed down and instead would have put myself right in his face. My pride wouldn’t have let me just walk away. So this time I got ready to do my normal routine when I thought to myself, 'This isn’t high school anymore … this guy and his buddies could seriously kill me. He’s drunk enough, he wouldn’t know any better.' I swallowed my pride and continued on my way. It was a big lesson to me that this isn’t my familiar high school territory anymore; I am basically living in a city all on my own, and there aren’t people who know me well enough here to bail me out of a petty fight. Rather, there are cops who will arrest me just as fast as they’ll arrest the other guy. This pride thing has been a challenge for me, but I believe that I’m conquering it as time progresses.

So far, College has definitely helped me with self-discovery. I’m learning more about myself, and my flaws. For the longest time, I have been stuck in this rut I would like to identify as a minor identity crisis. Depending on my mood, I will always switch between one of three envisioned futures for myself: one as a famous actor, one as a wealthy forensic psychologist, and one as an instructor of some kind. Each of these three paths have interested me all of my life, and I still can’t decide on which would best suit me. A career for me isn’t just a means to make money, but also a large contributor to my personal pursuit of happiness. So I am definitely looking forward to the next few years and the exploration that will occur. Hopefully, I will finally settle my mind, as far as in what direction I am going to go for the rest of my life.

College is definitely a new kind of beast I have yet to conquer. At first, I saw it as a way to fill the prerequisites to get a degree. But now I see it for what it truly is: a tool in my quest to be everything I can and should be. I am definitely looking forward to the rest of the semester, and, hopefully, I will seek all of the help that I can now say I truly need in order to overcome this large stepping stone in my life.