I came to this University because of hockey. I love the game, I'm good at it, and it was on account of playing it well that I got a scholarship here.
Being a serious student-athlete, I practice hockey for a few hours a day and play hockey most weekends. Practicing and playing takes up lots of my time, but I still find a way to get my schoolwork done during the season.
Yet when hockey finishes, I can't keep up with my school work. It is actually harder to get everything done. Why is that, you ask? Simply because I have more time on my hands. I don't have practice. I don't have games. So why don't I get everything accomplished? Here are my best answers:
(1) When hockey is in season, you're always working against the clock; if work doesn't get done now, there's no way that it can be finished in time to get handed in. When there aren't rigid deadlines, you always feel you can put it off. You think "oh, I'll have plenty of time to do this later." But then before you know it, it's late at night, your day has been wasted and it is too late to do anything about it. Does that make sense? Thought not. But it's the way things often go for me and many of my teammates. When I have hockey, I will do more during the day, I will organize my time better and I will get better grades.
(2) People come by and ask me to come to a party or a pub. Even though I intended to stay in and do the work, I say yes anyways. Then it goes downhill as in (1). But if I have hockey, I can’t say yes. Or I will suffer the consequences.
(3) During hockey season, you know you have to be focused, organized, disciplined, controlled. And you can be. You know for sure that there's no time for things that aren't absolutely essential and urgent. You can plan time to go out and have fun, but it has to be planned. It's a frame of mind you're in, and it governs your entire life.
Actually, now that I'm considering what I just thought were three different things, are really just one, but with three ways of looking at it. There ought to be a way to just move back and forth from the relaxed, hang-out-with-friends mode, to the disciplined, task-directed mode. Maybe some people can do that. But for me and most of my teammates, we can't. I guess the moral of the story is, time management is essential, and hockey forces me to do it, but without activities governing my time, I don't have a clue.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sororities (1)
EDITORS' NOTE: For those who aren't familiar with the ideas of Fraternities/Sororities, here's a brief outline: part way through the first (Freshman) year, students decide if they want to join a Fraternity or a Sorority. Usually, these organizations are named by Greek letters, such as Omega Alpha Theta, and each has a building, or house, on campus. The process of choosing which fraternity/sorority you want to join, and which wants you, is called the "Rush". If you 're seriously interested in one or another, you can be assigned a "Big Brother" or a "Big Sister". About half way through the second semester, the decision is made on both sides, there's a weekend during which the "Pledge" is made involving an initiation ritual of greater or lesser intensity, humiliation, and secrecy. Then you belong, and your social life revolves to a greater or lesser extent around the Fraternity/Sorority, often on a lifetime basis. People in the organization feel a great sense of community and loyalty to each other.
I am in a co-ed community service fraternity which I joined for the sense of community, because I wanted to serve. 99% of my friends are in it. My fraternity is my entire life; I do nothing else. So I am not knocking sororities. But ….
I essentially lost my best friend last semester for 8 weeks while she was pledging because pledges have to give themselves entirely to their potential sisterhood in order to pledge. For those of you who, impossible as it sounds, do not know about sororities and fraternities, let me explain a bit.
35% of the kids at this university are involved in some form of sorority or frat. There are social ones, there are community based ones, which is what I am in, and there are professional ones.
To apply for sororities, they send the freshmen around to each sorority house on campus, in packs like animals, where they get interviewed by all these girls. They have to run the gamut of all the sisters in the house who take notes on what they are wearing, what they say, what accent they have, what religion they are. The sisters are like, we don’t like her, she doesn’t talk right … It’s very judgmental. And essentially, you have to paste a happy face on yourself the whole time if you want to get in.
It's ridiculous because all the girls are trying to impress the same types of people so they all dress the same. But if you don't want to be selected or accepted for that sorority, then you want to make sure they don't like you so you will get in the one you want. I had a friend who just wouldn't respond if asked a question and would ignore them during the interview process so they wouldn't like her and then she wouldn't be put in that house.
The pledging class is designed to create a sense of community which is why people call themselves sisters and brothers. Because you spend time after time and day after day and hour after hour in special experiences together which creates that feeling of brotherhood or sisterhood. So they are taken away from everything; it's very restrictive. The pressure on them is awful, ridiculous. On my floor, there are a bunch of girls pledging now and they are not allowed to go out on the weekends. It's horrendous as these girls are used to going out every single weekend, even weekdays, so being forced to sit inside makes them all depressed because they can't go out and party.
Most of what they have to do when they are pledging is secretive but I have heard horror stories about numerous students being sent to the hospital for overdosing on certain things. But this is not always the case: my best friend doesn't drink and her big sister didn't force her to. Some are respectful of that. Others are very much into mind control stuff. My friend told me that last weekend, they had a competition in which, in teams of 8, they had to smoke 8 oz of weed, finish two 30 racks of beer, four pizzas, a bottle of vodka, and something else and whoever did it the fastest won. My friend didn't remember anything after 6 pm.
At the end of your pledging process, you get initiated into the brotherhood or the sisterhood. Hazing is the drinking and when the boys tie each other up and leave each other at the side of the road 200 miles away, in their underwear, and they have to find their way back.
Here on campus, there are sorority stereotypes. One is for the Jewish girls, one is for the hippies, one is for the druggies, one is for the, how shall I say it, promiscuous girls, one is for the social rejects, and one is referred to as the one for the overweight girls. Don’t get me wrong – there are some nice ones too with many good upstanding respectable girls. My friend is in a social sorority but she has a really good group of friends and her big sister is fabulous. She has a good head on her shoulders, great GPA, doesn’t drink to excess or sleep around. She is a great girl, but then she is in one of the respectable sororities. And she is nothing like a typical sorority girl. Or at least, as I see ‘em.
The frats have their own stereotype. One is for kind of sketchy guys, another for really trashy guys, like scheming sleazeballs, another for the Jewish boys, another for the social rejects, there is another one that is kind of a fake fraternity if you can’t even get into the social reject one. But again, there are some really nice ones too with the great guys, everyone loves them, they are kinda respectable.
So why would you want to do it? Other than all the cons that I’ve already mentioned, it is very time consuming. Rushing takes 2-3 weeks and then there is 6-8 weeks of pledging. It's an entire semester.
But on the up side, it's a sense of belonging. In my sorority, the sense of community isn't as strong as in the social ones because they are forced to do everything together. They, from what I’ve seen, mostly hang out with each other. But many of us in this fraternity are involved with a lot of other things and have many other friends outside the frat.
Bottom line is: if you are gonna do it, think about it carefully and make sure that you know enough about it before you do it. And beware that if you get accepted and then want to leave, people won't want to touch you after that. You're a reject, you’ve failed. But if you get in and make it through the pledging, you won't want to leave by that point.
I am in a co-ed community service fraternity which I joined for the sense of community, because I wanted to serve. 99% of my friends are in it. My fraternity is my entire life; I do nothing else. So I am not knocking sororities. But ….
I essentially lost my best friend last semester for 8 weeks while she was pledging because pledges have to give themselves entirely to their potential sisterhood in order to pledge. For those of you who, impossible as it sounds, do not know about sororities and fraternities, let me explain a bit.
35% of the kids at this university are involved in some form of sorority or frat. There are social ones, there are community based ones, which is what I am in, and there are professional ones.
To apply for sororities, they send the freshmen around to each sorority house on campus, in packs like animals, where they get interviewed by all these girls. They have to run the gamut of all the sisters in the house who take notes on what they are wearing, what they say, what accent they have, what religion they are. The sisters are like, we don’t like her, she doesn’t talk right … It’s very judgmental. And essentially, you have to paste a happy face on yourself the whole time if you want to get in.
It's ridiculous because all the girls are trying to impress the same types of people so they all dress the same. But if you don't want to be selected or accepted for that sorority, then you want to make sure they don't like you so you will get in the one you want. I had a friend who just wouldn't respond if asked a question and would ignore them during the interview process so they wouldn't like her and then she wouldn't be put in that house.
The pledging class is designed to create a sense of community which is why people call themselves sisters and brothers. Because you spend time after time and day after day and hour after hour in special experiences together which creates that feeling of brotherhood or sisterhood. So they are taken away from everything; it's very restrictive. The pressure on them is awful, ridiculous. On my floor, there are a bunch of girls pledging now and they are not allowed to go out on the weekends. It's horrendous as these girls are used to going out every single weekend, even weekdays, so being forced to sit inside makes them all depressed because they can't go out and party.
Most of what they have to do when they are pledging is secretive but I have heard horror stories about numerous students being sent to the hospital for overdosing on certain things. But this is not always the case: my best friend doesn't drink and her big sister didn't force her to. Some are respectful of that. Others are very much into mind control stuff. My friend told me that last weekend, they had a competition in which, in teams of 8, they had to smoke 8 oz of weed, finish two 30 racks of beer, four pizzas, a bottle of vodka, and something else and whoever did it the fastest won. My friend didn't remember anything after 6 pm.
At the end of your pledging process, you get initiated into the brotherhood or the sisterhood. Hazing is the drinking and when the boys tie each other up and leave each other at the side of the road 200 miles away, in their underwear, and they have to find their way back.
Here on campus, there are sorority stereotypes. One is for the Jewish girls, one is for the hippies, one is for the druggies, one is for the, how shall I say it, promiscuous girls, one is for the social rejects, and one is referred to as the one for the overweight girls. Don’t get me wrong – there are some nice ones too with many good upstanding respectable girls. My friend is in a social sorority but she has a really good group of friends and her big sister is fabulous. She has a good head on her shoulders, great GPA, doesn’t drink to excess or sleep around. She is a great girl, but then she is in one of the respectable sororities. And she is nothing like a typical sorority girl. Or at least, as I see ‘em.
The frats have their own stereotype. One is for kind of sketchy guys, another for really trashy guys, like scheming sleazeballs, another for the Jewish boys, another for the social rejects, there is another one that is kind of a fake fraternity if you can’t even get into the social reject one. But again, there are some really nice ones too with the great guys, everyone loves them, they are kinda respectable.
So why would you want to do it? Other than all the cons that I’ve already mentioned, it is very time consuming. Rushing takes 2-3 weeks and then there is 6-8 weeks of pledging. It's an entire semester.
But on the up side, it's a sense of belonging. In my sorority, the sense of community isn't as strong as in the social ones because they are forced to do everything together. They, from what I’ve seen, mostly hang out with each other. But many of us in this fraternity are involved with a lot of other things and have many other friends outside the frat.
Bottom line is: if you are gonna do it, think about it carefully and make sure that you know enough about it before you do it. And beware that if you get accepted and then want to leave, people won't want to touch you after that. You're a reject, you’ve failed. But if you get in and make it through the pledging, you won't want to leave by that point.
Sororities (2)
If you are in a sorority and really want to get pissed off at an outsider’s point of view…read this!
DISCLAIMER: ALL SORORITY AND FRATERNITY NAMES IN THIS STORY ARE FICTITIOUS AND BEAR NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANY ACTUAL SORORITIES OR FRATERNITIES.
My friend told me a story once of a time when she was walking from sorority house to sorority house with her rush group. The group was passing a fraternity house and one of the guys on the porch called out, “Hey you! In the North Face and Uggs!” My friend told me that she and another girl were the only two to not turn their heads in response to the fraternity guy.
Picture that for a second. 25 girls or so – all clumped together walking down the street on display for everyone to see, all wearing the same thing and all out for the same reason – to get a bid … right.
Sororities are quite the phenomenon. There’s a bunch of screaming girls who are snapping and giggling at unrealistically high octaves trying to recruit new members out on the front porch of a house with a ridiculously high rent. They share a bond of sisterhood and secret traditions that bind them to each other in ways that are too deep for anyone else to understand. They have their own chants and cheers. They have their own dress codes and ways of going about things in the proper sorority way.
Sororities are a great way for girls to find life long friends. But only after other sorority girls on campus put them through days of relentless judging, selection, and rejection. They must present themselves in certain ways to appeal to particular people so that they have a shot of being accepted by a certain group. Again…right. It’s quite the concept. Especially if you get a bid from Alpha K and wanna be labeled a crack head. Or in Kappa C you can be a coke whore! Why not join the hippie Long-Island Jews of Sigma H? Can’t get laid in college? Tri-LAY! Watch out though. You might want to drop out of rush if you get a one from Pi R because no one wants to be in the reject sorority right?
After the hell of rush, the new groups of girls are subjected to a whole different set of rules during their pledging period of six to eight weeks with a special class, a special pin, special regulations, and the super special rule of no drinking or going out on the weekends. Haha, good one.
After all that baloney, they’re initiated into their respective houses and have a new Mom, new aunts, new sisters and a whole new family. It’s really cool I guess.
If you’re considering joining a sorority, just know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s not an easy road and it comes with a lot of time taken away from your weekends once you’re a sister. You get labels and unless you’re a complete pinhead they’ll probably tick you off. I’m not trying to dissuade you either – it’s one of the best things that has happened to a few people I know. But it wasn’t necessarily a walk in the park.
DISCLAIMER: ALL SORORITY AND FRATERNITY NAMES IN THIS STORY ARE FICTITIOUS AND BEAR NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANY ACTUAL SORORITIES OR FRATERNITIES.
My friend told me a story once of a time when she was walking from sorority house to sorority house with her rush group. The group was passing a fraternity house and one of the guys on the porch called out, “Hey you! In the North Face and Uggs!” My friend told me that she and another girl were the only two to not turn their heads in response to the fraternity guy.
Picture that for a second. 25 girls or so – all clumped together walking down the street on display for everyone to see, all wearing the same thing and all out for the same reason – to get a bid … right.
Sororities are quite the phenomenon. There’s a bunch of screaming girls who are snapping and giggling at unrealistically high octaves trying to recruit new members out on the front porch of a house with a ridiculously high rent. They share a bond of sisterhood and secret traditions that bind them to each other in ways that are too deep for anyone else to understand. They have their own chants and cheers. They have their own dress codes and ways of going about things in the proper sorority way.
Sororities are a great way for girls to find life long friends. But only after other sorority girls on campus put them through days of relentless judging, selection, and rejection. They must present themselves in certain ways to appeal to particular people so that they have a shot of being accepted by a certain group. Again…right. It’s quite the concept. Especially if you get a bid from Alpha K and wanna be labeled a crack head. Or in Kappa C you can be a coke whore! Why not join the hippie Long-Island Jews of Sigma H? Can’t get laid in college? Tri-LAY! Watch out though. You might want to drop out of rush if you get a one from Pi R because no one wants to be in the reject sorority right?
After the hell of rush, the new groups of girls are subjected to a whole different set of rules during their pledging period of six to eight weeks with a special class, a special pin, special regulations, and the super special rule of no drinking or going out on the weekends. Haha, good one.
After all that baloney, they’re initiated into their respective houses and have a new Mom, new aunts, new sisters and a whole new family. It’s really cool I guess.
If you’re considering joining a sorority, just know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s not an easy road and it comes with a lot of time taken away from your weekends once you’re a sister. You get labels and unless you’re a complete pinhead they’ll probably tick you off. I’m not trying to dissuade you either – it’s one of the best things that has happened to a few people I know. But it wasn’t necessarily a walk in the park.
Profs
One of the big life lessons that people learn in college is that you are going to encounter people in life who might not exactly know how to handle the situation that they're placed into. Professors can be these kinds of people.
Don’t get me wrong – some professors are fabulous. Then there are some who make you question why in the hell you’re sitting in the lecture hall listening to begin with.
For instance take my Geology professor. The guy was from Argentina, a seemingly smart guy who probably would have bled iron ore and sediment had you cut him open. His passion clearly was rocks and minerals but choosing to communicate that passion through teaching was probably a poor life decision for him seeing as the only audible things out of him were grunts and slurs of what my friends and I assumed were supposed to be words. It was no good to look at his Powerpoint either because it made no sense! The most that I retained from that class was that it was a very bad fashion choice for Caveman to wear the same red sweater. Every day. Every class. With some other hideous shirt underneath. Fashion fail right there.
But on a serious note – there’s no avoiding them. These guys are everywhere so you need to be able to rely on yourself to study what you think could be relevant to the course at that time. Keep your head about you and don’t get wrapped in the “Ugh, this guy sucks” or else you’re gonna head down a slippery slope. Just sayin’.
There’s going to be more than one of these guys per campus too, ya know. Take Astronomy guy for one. Astronomy couldn’t have been any more of your stereotypical dorkwad. Pocket protector and all. He wore his pants too high, he was bowlegged, his glasses had annoying plastic frames, and his poof of light brown hair was always slightly more than frazzled. Oh! And how dare I forget the lisp! This dude was one of like 8 astronomers in the whole country selected by NASA to study the presence of dark matter in the universe…that’s intense. As genius as he was he struggled in the human interaction department – too much work with all those extraterrestrials if you ask me.
Anyhow, astronomy isn’t something that is common knowledge to a lot of people so it needs a lot of breaking down and baby talk. My guy just kind of assumed that we knew all about g forces and orbital circumferences. Wrong-O. He didn’t teach us anything other than that we were all stupid in the galactical department. Such is life I guess. It’s cases like this where you employ the help of that $800 paperback book that you were “required” to have but has never been referenced in class. Gotta love it.
The key with guys like this is to just adapt. If they’re still teaching it means they haven’t been fired yet which means that kids have been in the same seats that all of you sit in and by some severe stroke of luck, passed. It’s feasible so figure it out. I got B+s in both of those classes. Just for the record – it’s possible.
Don’t get me wrong – some professors are fabulous. Then there are some who make you question why in the hell you’re sitting in the lecture hall listening to begin with.
For instance take my Geology professor. The guy was from Argentina, a seemingly smart guy who probably would have bled iron ore and sediment had you cut him open. His passion clearly was rocks and minerals but choosing to communicate that passion through teaching was probably a poor life decision for him seeing as the only audible things out of him were grunts and slurs of what my friends and I assumed were supposed to be words. It was no good to look at his Powerpoint either because it made no sense! The most that I retained from that class was that it was a very bad fashion choice for Caveman to wear the same red sweater. Every day. Every class. With some other hideous shirt underneath. Fashion fail right there.
But on a serious note – there’s no avoiding them. These guys are everywhere so you need to be able to rely on yourself to study what you think could be relevant to the course at that time. Keep your head about you and don’t get wrapped in the “Ugh, this guy sucks” or else you’re gonna head down a slippery slope. Just sayin’.
There’s going to be more than one of these guys per campus too, ya know. Take Astronomy guy for one. Astronomy couldn’t have been any more of your stereotypical dorkwad. Pocket protector and all. He wore his pants too high, he was bowlegged, his glasses had annoying plastic frames, and his poof of light brown hair was always slightly more than frazzled. Oh! And how dare I forget the lisp! This dude was one of like 8 astronomers in the whole country selected by NASA to study the presence of dark matter in the universe…that’s intense. As genius as he was he struggled in the human interaction department – too much work with all those extraterrestrials if you ask me.
Anyhow, astronomy isn’t something that is common knowledge to a lot of people so it needs a lot of breaking down and baby talk. My guy just kind of assumed that we knew all about g forces and orbital circumferences. Wrong-O. He didn’t teach us anything other than that we were all stupid in the galactical department. Such is life I guess. It’s cases like this where you employ the help of that $800 paperback book that you were “required” to have but has never been referenced in class. Gotta love it.
The key with guys like this is to just adapt. If they’re still teaching it means they haven’t been fired yet which means that kids have been in the same seats that all of you sit in and by some severe stroke of luck, passed. It’s feasible so figure it out. I got B+s in both of those classes. Just for the record – it’s possible.
Moving On
One of the most important things you need to keep in mind when coming to college is the idea of moving on versus holding on. What you need to do is find a balance. Don’t let go of everything you had from high school and your hometown, but don’t hold on to too much.
I came to college with a boyfriend of a few months. I was happy that I would have someone who I already knew when I arrived on campus, just to make the transition a little bit easier. In the beginning of the year, everything was just fine. But that began to change.
During my first semester, I pledged a co-ed fraternity so I could meet new people and get involved. This definitely bugged my boyfriend because I would spend a lot of time with my new friends and I was extremely busy with the pledging process. I was ready to move on from high school and find new friends and make the most of my first year of college. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn’t getting involved and spent much of his time in his room studying, or whatever he was doing. He also kept going home to hang out with his friends who didn’t go away to school while I definitely wanted to stay on campus, get involved and make new friends. He was upset that I had a new life and he didn’t.
After a while I didn’t want to spend as much time with my boyfriend because he was getting on my nerves. He did not like the fact that I was spending the majority of my free time with other people and he was constantly telling me that I had changed. I know I changed. I’m glad I’ve changed. College changes people, usually for the better. I know that I’ve changed for the better.
I have had so many amazing experiences and already have the best friends I could ever imagine. My boyfriend on the other hand was extremely lonely and continued to talk to his high school friends all the time.
So in case you didn’t figure this out already, I broke up with my boyfriend and after a while of being upset about the situation, I have had a much better time here. I didn’t feel like I needed to check in with him anymore, or see if he would approve of what I would do every night. Since I broke up with him, college has been the most amazing experience thus far.
So remember, hold on to things that are close to your heart, but it is important to let some things go. Allow yourself to grow and change, but don’t forget to keep in touch with your best friends (and your family) often.
I came to college with a boyfriend of a few months. I was happy that I would have someone who I already knew when I arrived on campus, just to make the transition a little bit easier. In the beginning of the year, everything was just fine. But that began to change.
During my first semester, I pledged a co-ed fraternity so I could meet new people and get involved. This definitely bugged my boyfriend because I would spend a lot of time with my new friends and I was extremely busy with the pledging process. I was ready to move on from high school and find new friends and make the most of my first year of college. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn’t getting involved and spent much of his time in his room studying, or whatever he was doing. He also kept going home to hang out with his friends who didn’t go away to school while I definitely wanted to stay on campus, get involved and make new friends. He was upset that I had a new life and he didn’t.
After a while I didn’t want to spend as much time with my boyfriend because he was getting on my nerves. He did not like the fact that I was spending the majority of my free time with other people and he was constantly telling me that I had changed. I know I changed. I’m glad I’ve changed. College changes people, usually for the better. I know that I’ve changed for the better.
I have had so many amazing experiences and already have the best friends I could ever imagine. My boyfriend on the other hand was extremely lonely and continued to talk to his high school friends all the time.
So in case you didn’t figure this out already, I broke up with my boyfriend and after a while of being upset about the situation, I have had a much better time here. I didn’t feel like I needed to check in with him anymore, or see if he would approve of what I would do every night. Since I broke up with him, college has been the most amazing experience thus far.
So remember, hold on to things that are close to your heart, but it is important to let some things go. Allow yourself to grow and change, but don’t forget to keep in touch with your best friends (and your family) often.
Facebook has its amazing and its terrible qualities, especially when you come to college. It’s amazing that you can talk to your friends all the time. You can stalk their photos and know exactly what they have been doing. You can video chat with them regularly and you can really hold on to your friendships. But what you may not realize is how much of a distraction Facebook can be. You go on for a minute to check your status, then you see a cool picture and think, hey, let me look at that, and before you know it, two hours have gone by. One of my friends says server crashes are sometimes the best thing that can happen. Another disabled his Facebook during finals. I’ve tried but it only takes a second to get it back. It is a drug, an addiction.
In high school you had Facebook and so did the majority of your friends. But you also didn’t have a huge workload, so going on Facebook each night after school was never that big of a deal. But now you can bring your laptop to the majority of your classes. Now you can talk to your friends during your Biology lecture of 400 students because the professor is not going to care if you’re paying attention at all. During Psychology you can check out what your best friend from home did on their Spring break. Next, instead of studying in the library, you’re using the amazing wireless technology that is found all over campus and you’re making a note about the “Top 10 Things You have Done that you wouldn’t want your Mother to know about”.
Paying little to no attention in classes has become so easy in college primarily because of Facebook and other social networking sites, but also because many of your professors don’t care if you’re paying attention to them. As long as you are not distracting other students or making a scene, they will let you do whatever you would like.
So my word of advice: leave your laptop in your room during class. Use a pen and paper. If you really want your notes to be on your laptop, type them up later after class. It will help you remember the material much better anyways. And try not to live on Facebook. Regulate yourself because it is really addicting. Especially during midterms and finals. Stick to your guns and choose to go on Facebook only when you are done with your class work.
In high school you had Facebook and so did the majority of your friends. But you also didn’t have a huge workload, so going on Facebook each night after school was never that big of a deal. But now you can bring your laptop to the majority of your classes. Now you can talk to your friends during your Biology lecture of 400 students because the professor is not going to care if you’re paying attention at all. During Psychology you can check out what your best friend from home did on their Spring break. Next, instead of studying in the library, you’re using the amazing wireless technology that is found all over campus and you’re making a note about the “Top 10 Things You have Done that you wouldn’t want your Mother to know about”.
Paying little to no attention in classes has become so easy in college primarily because of Facebook and other social networking sites, but also because many of your professors don’t care if you’re paying attention to them. As long as you are not distracting other students or making a scene, they will let you do whatever you would like.
So my word of advice: leave your laptop in your room during class. Use a pen and paper. If you really want your notes to be on your laptop, type them up later after class. It will help you remember the material much better anyways. And try not to live on Facebook. Regulate yourself because it is really addicting. Especially during midterms and finals. Stick to your guns and choose to go on Facebook only when you are done with your class work.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A new Way of Working
When I first came here, I was very nervous, very uncertain of how I would do academically. I don't come from a rich family, and quite a few people besides myself have made big sacrifices for me to be here. It adds to the pressure to do well, and so does the need to keep my marks up to retain my scholarship.
I'm in Math and Computers, and before I came here I always took the view that I had to understand everything completely before I would be ready for a test or more particularly for an exam. Absolutely everything had to be completely clear. But I was in a couple of classes that forced me to change that attitude. No matter how hard I tried, some things just refused to come clear in the way I needed them to. But talking to other people, I realized that they were no better off than I was, except that it didn't seem to bother them much. Actually, it didn't seem to bother some of them at all. A friend who's in Physics explained to me that there are some things, like Quantum Mechanics, that actually can't be understood in a concrete or intuitive way at all. Like the electron spends a good portion of its time here, and here, but in a place half way between: zero percent of its time. So how does it get from one place to the other? The answer is amazing: "The equations don't tell us anything about that." In other words, a cop out! And it's the best anyone can do. Likewise light and all other waves: they are waves, but they're particles at the same time. Huh? Well, there's no-one who can explain it, and no-one even seems to want to try. Another cop-out!
Well, if they can do it, so can I. Instead of trying to understand things, I asked myself the question: "what are they going to need me to do? Mostly it was solving a bunch of problems, or being able to do a bunch of proofs. I looked at what was going to be on the test or the exam, and made sure I could do all the things that would be there. Understanding it: well, I'm not sure. But it makes me a lot less anxious: I can actually eat things the same day as the test! And guess what: my marks haven't suffered at all; in fact they're even a bit higher than before.
And before, I quit a course, and most of the time wasn't sure that I could go on at all. Now: a whole lot better.
I'm in Math and Computers, and before I came here I always took the view that I had to understand everything completely before I would be ready for a test or more particularly for an exam. Absolutely everything had to be completely clear. But I was in a couple of classes that forced me to change that attitude. No matter how hard I tried, some things just refused to come clear in the way I needed them to. But talking to other people, I realized that they were no better off than I was, except that it didn't seem to bother them much. Actually, it didn't seem to bother some of them at all. A friend who's in Physics explained to me that there are some things, like Quantum Mechanics, that actually can't be understood in a concrete or intuitive way at all. Like the electron spends a good portion of its time here, and here, but in a place half way between: zero percent of its time. So how does it get from one place to the other? The answer is amazing: "The equations don't tell us anything about that." In other words, a cop out! And it's the best anyone can do. Likewise light and all other waves: they are waves, but they're particles at the same time. Huh? Well, there's no-one who can explain it, and no-one even seems to want to try. Another cop-out!
Well, if they can do it, so can I. Instead of trying to understand things, I asked myself the question: "what are they going to need me to do? Mostly it was solving a bunch of problems, or being able to do a bunch of proofs. I looked at what was going to be on the test or the exam, and made sure I could do all the things that would be there. Understanding it: well, I'm not sure. But it makes me a lot less anxious: I can actually eat things the same day as the test! And guess what: my marks haven't suffered at all; in fact they're even a bit higher than before.
And before, I quit a course, and most of the time wasn't sure that I could go on at all. Now: a whole lot better.
It's not as good as people say. It's better.
I cannot count how many times I have heard someone say, “College is the best time in a young person’s life.” And for me, that has turned out to be an understatement.
If there were any advice I could give to somebody about deciding on college it would be to choose the school that's right for you. I can't stress it enough. Listen to what other people say (maybe!), but don’t let anyone else decide where you should go. It's you who'll be living with whatever you decide.
I wanted to make sure I got the true “college experience” i.e. leaving home, being on my own, making a whole new group of friends. So I traveled 1,100 miles away from home to get that experience. At times I miss home, but not as much as I miss school when I’m on break.
When you arrive, be adventurous. Step out of your comfort zone. Get involved in a club or team. You won't regret it.
I'm involved in extracurricular activities (sport), which helps make friends quickly. The friends I have made here will be my friends for the rest of my life. They will most likely be in my wedding someday.
As far as classes are concerned: well, I know not everyone finds this, especially in a big University, but for me they're about the same as what I was used to before.
The weirdest thing to get used to was the freedom. Not only did boys live in the same dorm, they could be in our rooms! I'd been to a single-sex school, with quite strict rules -- actually very strict rules. Now I really felt like I was finally able to be myself. I could make my own decisions. I didn’t have to go to bed at a certain time. I didn’t have an in-dorm time. I didn’t even have to come home at night.
And I found my own way of working: managing my time. I’m not sure if I manage it well, but I always find time for everything. Procrastination has got a bad name in lots of places, but I think you can use it to your advantage. You just have to be smart about it. For me, procrastinating has become a way of life. I don’t think I could write a paper now without procrastinating. I guess I like the pressure, because even when I try to start early, I end up working at the last minute. I tend to make notes for myself whenever inspiration strikes.
One time last semester I had a ten page paper due. It was about 4 o’clock the afternoon before the paper was due. I hadn’t done anything really, except for looking up and printing off all the information I needed. At six, my friend came into my room and asked if I wanted to go to a hockey game. I couldn’t refuse the offer and decided to bring my information with me. During breaks in the game I highlighted facts I needed and got anything I could use. After the game I was happy. I had been able to do something I wanted and hung out with my friends, but I was still in good position to finish the paper a bit later in the night than I'd planned. I got about 7 hours of sleep, but I finished the paper and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, a lot has happened, and I've learned a lot. Not only about the things I've done in class, but also about myself, and how I handle things in a way that works for me.
And it's better than anything I could have ever imagined. Yes there are the occasional stressful times, but all in all it has been amazing.
If there were any advice I could give to somebody about deciding on college it would be to choose the school that's right for you. I can't stress it enough. Listen to what other people say (maybe!), but don’t let anyone else decide where you should go. It's you who'll be living with whatever you decide.
I wanted to make sure I got the true “college experience” i.e. leaving home, being on my own, making a whole new group of friends. So I traveled 1,100 miles away from home to get that experience. At times I miss home, but not as much as I miss school when I’m on break.
When you arrive, be adventurous. Step out of your comfort zone. Get involved in a club or team. You won't regret it.
I'm involved in extracurricular activities (sport), which helps make friends quickly. The friends I have made here will be my friends for the rest of my life. They will most likely be in my wedding someday.
As far as classes are concerned: well, I know not everyone finds this, especially in a big University, but for me they're about the same as what I was used to before.
The weirdest thing to get used to was the freedom. Not only did boys live in the same dorm, they could be in our rooms! I'd been to a single-sex school, with quite strict rules -- actually very strict rules. Now I really felt like I was finally able to be myself. I could make my own decisions. I didn’t have to go to bed at a certain time. I didn’t have an in-dorm time. I didn’t even have to come home at night.
And I found my own way of working: managing my time. I’m not sure if I manage it well, but I always find time for everything. Procrastination has got a bad name in lots of places, but I think you can use it to your advantage. You just have to be smart about it. For me, procrastinating has become a way of life. I don’t think I could write a paper now without procrastinating. I guess I like the pressure, because even when I try to start early, I end up working at the last minute. I tend to make notes for myself whenever inspiration strikes.
One time last semester I had a ten page paper due. It was about 4 o’clock the afternoon before the paper was due. I hadn’t done anything really, except for looking up and printing off all the information I needed. At six, my friend came into my room and asked if I wanted to go to a hockey game. I couldn’t refuse the offer and decided to bring my information with me. During breaks in the game I highlighted facts I needed and got anything I could use. After the game I was happy. I had been able to do something I wanted and hung out with my friends, but I was still in good position to finish the paper a bit later in the night than I'd planned. I got about 7 hours of sleep, but I finished the paper and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, a lot has happened, and I've learned a lot. Not only about the things I've done in class, but also about myself, and how I handle things in a way that works for me.
And it's better than anything I could have ever imagined. Yes there are the occasional stressful times, but all in all it has been amazing.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Roommates
If you go to university, do not share a room with someone you know, especially a good friend. If you are sharing a small room with this person all the time, it's amazing how fairly small differences in habits can really get to you. Things like how soon clothes are put away, things like your roommates' stuff spreading over into your half, things like your roommate borrowing your stuff without asking, things like different ideas of when there should be other people in the room and conversations happening, when there can be music listened to through earphones so loudly that it can be heard all over the room, things like the time at which friends need to leave and lights need to be put out. Good friendships can be permanently ruined by things like this.
I came to college with my best friend from high school but it didn't work out. She had guests over constantly and you never knew when you were going to walk in on something. She even borrowed my pajamas once! She put dishes in the garbage rather than wash them. Her sloppiness drove me crazy. But at least I wasn't suffering as much as my friend down the hall: one of his roommates smelled so bad that his friends would not come over and he even had to put an air freshener on top of his bed.
Housing is supposed to match you and your roommate based on your interests but it doesn't always work out. But you can grow from being put with roommates who you don't have a lot in common with, so use the opportunity. It also helps to talk to your roommate about things that are kinda bothering you so that maybe he or she can learn to get the dishes done and make sure that the place doesn’t smell.
I came to college with my best friend from high school but it didn't work out. She had guests over constantly and you never knew when you were going to walk in on something. She even borrowed my pajamas once! She put dishes in the garbage rather than wash them. Her sloppiness drove me crazy. But at least I wasn't suffering as much as my friend down the hall: one of his roommates smelled so bad that his friends would not come over and he even had to put an air freshener on top of his bed.
Housing is supposed to match you and your roommate based on your interests but it doesn't always work out. But you can grow from being put with roommates who you don't have a lot in common with, so use the opportunity. It also helps to talk to your roommate about things that are kinda bothering you so that maybe he or she can learn to get the dishes done and make sure that the place doesn’t smell.
Relationships with Moms
I am closer to my mom than ever before. Part of it is because I control the relationship more. She knows she can't nag -- I can always put the phone down. As well, there are things I can say on the phone or in an email that I wouldn't say if she were actually there in the room.
My mom is a genius at figuring out what's in my brain. She's had eighteen years of practice, I guess. But since I was about twelve, it has often meant that unless I want to tell her absolutely everything about something, I don't say anything at all. She can look at my face, and say something like, "You're really upset about that, aren't you?" Or even worse, "Sounds like you might be getting a bit serious about this guy."
Now usually, I just want to give her a bit of an idea about something, and not spend all evening taking it all apart. When she and I are in the same room, though, I don't control what happens once I say something; she does. I'm kinda apprehensive about that, so I don't mention anything at all about the subject.
But now, things are better; at the end of a phone, or in an email, the person who's in control of how much I say isn't her any more, it's me. I can just say there was a paper I did that got a poor mark, or a guy I met who I expect to see more of. She knows that if she wants to go further into it, and I don't, I can just change the topic, end the phone conversation, or ignore the email. Also, she can't see my face: I think that's the key. She only finds out the exact things I want to tell her, not all the other things that come out on my face and that she can read like a book.
Now I can decide in advance whether to say something, and what to say. I control it. I have the power to "limit the number of dimensions of the interaction", which is the way I heard it described once. But in any case, I end up telling her more about my life than she has heard for quite a few years before I moved away from home. Really too, I love my mom a lot, so that feels pretty good.
My mom is a genius at figuring out what's in my brain. She's had eighteen years of practice, I guess. But since I was about twelve, it has often meant that unless I want to tell her absolutely everything about something, I don't say anything at all. She can look at my face, and say something like, "You're really upset about that, aren't you?" Or even worse, "Sounds like you might be getting a bit serious about this guy."
Now usually, I just want to give her a bit of an idea about something, and not spend all evening taking it all apart. When she and I are in the same room, though, I don't control what happens once I say something; she does. I'm kinda apprehensive about that, so I don't mention anything at all about the subject.
But now, things are better; at the end of a phone, or in an email, the person who's in control of how much I say isn't her any more, it's me. I can just say there was a paper I did that got a poor mark, or a guy I met who I expect to see more of. She knows that if she wants to go further into it, and I don't, I can just change the topic, end the phone conversation, or ignore the email. Also, she can't see my face: I think that's the key. She only finds out the exact things I want to tell her, not all the other things that come out on my face and that she can read like a book.
Now I can decide in advance whether to say something, and what to say. I control it. I have the power to "limit the number of dimensions of the interaction", which is the way I heard it described once. But in any case, I end up telling her more about my life than she has heard for quite a few years before I moved away from home. Really too, I love my mom a lot, so that feels pretty good.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Keeping in Touch with Home
One decision I made in September has really worked out well for me, and for my family and a few friends at home. We reserve an hour on Sunday evenings to talk and chat with each other. We all got webcams and signed up to the same service so we could be together. People come and go, just as they would if we were in a room together. It's just a casual hangout time where we can all be together. We talk about trivial things most of the time, like how someone has changed her hair, how someone's family had got a new bathroom, or how a friend's relationship has broken down. The odd time, either I have or someone at home has other things to do on Sunday evenings, so we reschedule if we can, or agree to give it a miss for a week -- in much the same way as we would if we were in the habit of actually physically getting together.
Here are the benefits. We all keep up kind of automatically about what's going on with each other, what's important at the time, and how we're all feeling. Things that wouldn't merit a special phone call or email or text just get mentioned as a matter of course because the other people are there and the togetherness is happening. As well, it reminds me that there is a world outside the campus here. University life is so all-consuming that sometimes it's easy to forget that!
And then if something comes up which really needs action, it doesn't come as a surprise. One example: I had a much-loved but very elderly Great Aunt, who went into the hospital. Because I already knew from conversations that had gone on for several weeks that she was getting very uncomfortable with cancer, I was able to reschedule things so I could take a couple of days off and go to see her one last time. I'd got ahead with some papers that had to be written, and also read in advance the online versions of a couple of lectures, enough to get my head around what they were all about. So I knew that I'd be ready for a test that was given the day after I got back.
Both my aunt and I cried when I was there in the hospital with her. We both knew it would probably be the last time. But she was so grateful and happy to see me, especially because she knew I'd travelled for several hours to come to see her. It was a hard time, but a beautiful time. Just as I left, she told me she didn't want me to come for her funeral: a waste of time and effort and money, she said because My mom, who was there to pick me up, heard this and we both promised that I wouldn't come and that she would explain that it was because I'd been quite firmly told not to.
Well, as it happened, her death came at a time I would have been mightily torqued and conflicted if she hadn't told me not to come home for it. It was a few weeks later, just as our semester's exams were beginning. You have to jump through lots of hoops here if you want to get out of doing them or to postpone them; even then it's not always possible.
Of course I was upset. But I felt a lot better because I was able to do what she wanted me to do and had told me to do: stay here and carry on with the exams. If I hadn't gone back a few weeks before to see her, I'd have felt lots of guilt no matter whether I'd decided to go to the funeral or not. I was so grateful to her because she'd released me from the dilemma, and it means my memories of her aren't, and won't be, clouded by the impossible decision I'd otherwise have had to make.
And I really do believe that the regular weekly webcam chats produced this result. Her situation became clear to me only gradually, and only gradually did I see and prepare for what I did when she went into the hospital that last time. If a sudden phone call had arrived and told me about it, for one thing it would have been a much worse shock, and for another, I probably wouldn't have been able to clear things away here to the point that I'd be able to make that important trip at the best time for me and for her.
Mind you, I think there's a danger of taking things to an extreme. There are people who talk to their mums or boyfriends or girlfriends all the time, or still worse, go home every weekend. These people are missing a lot of what University has to offer, not only socially, but also academically, because a lot of information comes from informal situations, and lots of things become clearer when a bunch of people beat them around together for a bit. But home is important too, and for me an hour or so on Sunday evenings is just right.
Here are the benefits. We all keep up kind of automatically about what's going on with each other, what's important at the time, and how we're all feeling. Things that wouldn't merit a special phone call or email or text just get mentioned as a matter of course because the other people are there and the togetherness is happening. As well, it reminds me that there is a world outside the campus here. University life is so all-consuming that sometimes it's easy to forget that!
And then if something comes up which really needs action, it doesn't come as a surprise. One example: I had a much-loved but very elderly Great Aunt, who went into the hospital. Because I already knew from conversations that had gone on for several weeks that she was getting very uncomfortable with cancer, I was able to reschedule things so I could take a couple of days off and go to see her one last time. I'd got ahead with some papers that had to be written, and also read in advance the online versions of a couple of lectures, enough to get my head around what they were all about. So I knew that I'd be ready for a test that was given the day after I got back.
Both my aunt and I cried when I was there in the hospital with her. We both knew it would probably be the last time. But she was so grateful and happy to see me, especially because she knew I'd travelled for several hours to come to see her. It was a hard time, but a beautiful time. Just as I left, she told me she didn't want me to come for her funeral: a waste of time and effort and money, she said because My mom, who was there to pick me up, heard this and we both promised that I wouldn't come and that she would explain that it was because I'd been quite firmly told not to.
Well, as it happened, her death came at a time I would have been mightily torqued and conflicted if she hadn't told me not to come home for it. It was a few weeks later, just as our semester's exams were beginning. You have to jump through lots of hoops here if you want to get out of doing them or to postpone them; even then it's not always possible.
Of course I was upset. But I felt a lot better because I was able to do what she wanted me to do and had told me to do: stay here and carry on with the exams. If I hadn't gone back a few weeks before to see her, I'd have felt lots of guilt no matter whether I'd decided to go to the funeral or not. I was so grateful to her because she'd released me from the dilemma, and it means my memories of her aren't, and won't be, clouded by the impossible decision I'd otherwise have had to make.
And I really do believe that the regular weekly webcam chats produced this result. Her situation became clear to me only gradually, and only gradually did I see and prepare for what I did when she went into the hospital that last time. If a sudden phone call had arrived and told me about it, for one thing it would have been a much worse shock, and for another, I probably wouldn't have been able to clear things away here to the point that I'd be able to make that important trip at the best time for me and for her.
Mind you, I think there's a danger of taking things to an extreme. There are people who talk to their mums or boyfriends or girlfriends all the time, or still worse, go home every weekend. These people are missing a lot of what University has to offer, not only socially, but also academically, because a lot of information comes from informal situations, and lots of things become clearer when a bunch of people beat them around together for a bit. But home is important too, and for me an hour or so on Sunday evenings is just right.
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