Amphetamines started as diet drugs in the 1970's. But lots of students since then have turned them into a drug to keep them awake and help them concentrate. Here, the drug of choice is a recent brand-name blend; students look high and low for this brain stimulant and even pay other students for it. Students who have ADD and ADHD are prescribed it and then sell it to other students to make a profit.
The bad part is the fact that many students do not realize what they are getting into. These are the types of drug that should only be used in a controlled way for pharmaceutical purposes and for the person they're prescribed for. Google the commonly-prescribed ones and you see a whole list of side-effects, including headaches, restlessness, sleeplessness, mood changes, and uncontrolled muscle movement. I've seen all these, but there are worse ones as well, all the way to heart attack and death. These, thankfully, I haven't seen. And of course, dependency.
What's worse, some students take them in a very different way from what they were intended for; for example they take an 8 hr extended-release version, do homework until 10pm, then go out and drink. Needless to say, the combination of these drugs and alcohol is even more unpredictable – I've seen that too. The same person who's relatively normal after lots to drink and just a bit restless after the tablets became pretty scary after the tablets first and then the alcohol. Seems to me that after a few more times like this, the only people who'll want to do things with him are other druggies.
I see amphetamines as a quick fix. In the longer term, apart from the health risks, my fear is that these people will wake up some day and realize that they`ve spent so much time maxing their efficiency and productivity that they have forgotten to truly live their lives.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Something Was Missing
I go to a school with a very big greek-life (sorority) system and I knew nothing about it when I first got here. My first semester here started out great: I had all the freedom in the world and met so many new friends, but by the end of the semester I was bored. Once the snow hit, nobody wanted to go out anymore and the weekends were dull. As well -- and maybe this will be surprising -- I found that it was a lot harder to get down to the work that needed to be done for classes. In previous years, I'd always done Division 1 Track, but now I'd decided that it just wasn't what made me happy. I knew that without track I would have tons of time on my hands.
I needed a way of not wasting my days away sleeping and eating, and a way to meet more people on campus without having to take the bus or tramp long distances through the snow and slush.
Over Christmas break I did some research on transferring schools - I found a few and I had the applications ready to go. I returned for the spring semester, still strongly considering transferring when all the girls in my classes were obsessing over Rush, the sorority recruitment process. I knew nothing about sororities and the thought of joining one never crossed my mind.
So one day, a girl in my Bio class was telling me all about Rush, and convinced me to just do Rush; even if I didn’t join a sorority it would be a great experience alone. So I registered and went through Rush and I ended up getting a bid to my first choice house. I stuck with it and pledged for the six weeks. The whole idea of pledging made me very hesitant to join a sorority, but during Rush, I was sure to ask each house about the process, and if it was anything like what you would see in the movies. They all assured me that it is nothing like that, and I soon learned that they were right. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t have alcohol shoved down my throat, or frat guys circling me, ready to pounce.
The first day of Rush was completely overwhelming. Going to every house on campus and having to talk to so many girls was the hardest thing I had ever done. But in a way there was something exciting about it, seeing how there was something different about each house and thinking that I could soon possibly be a part of one of these sisterhoods. Every day of Rush was bitter sweet but I always looked forward to the next day and finding out if I was getting closer to where I wanted to be.
Bid day was definitely one of the best days of my college experience. I knew that my life was about to completely change. It was a very fun, and at times draining, process. Pledging was like taking one or two extra classes but it was a very good teacher for time management.
I'm so happy I decided to quit track and to Rush because it really opened my eyes to college. The weekends are no longer dull, I couldn’t ask for better friends, and I know that I have many many shoulders waiting for me to cry on if I’ve had a bad day. I participate in way more community service. I have close bonds with over a hundred girls in my sorority. I'm constantly meeting new people. And I have a place that I can call home while away from home.
I encourage every one to at least try Rush; you learn a lot during the process, and you can see for yourself if it is for you or not for you. Each house is different, so there is a variety of options for you to fit into, and if it’s not something that’s for you, you will know.
I needed a way of not wasting my days away sleeping and eating, and a way to meet more people on campus without having to take the bus or tramp long distances through the snow and slush.
Over Christmas break I did some research on transferring schools - I found a few and I had the applications ready to go. I returned for the spring semester, still strongly considering transferring when all the girls in my classes were obsessing over Rush, the sorority recruitment process. I knew nothing about sororities and the thought of joining one never crossed my mind.
So one day, a girl in my Bio class was telling me all about Rush, and convinced me to just do Rush; even if I didn’t join a sorority it would be a great experience alone. So I registered and went through Rush and I ended up getting a bid to my first choice house. I stuck with it and pledged for the six weeks. The whole idea of pledging made me very hesitant to join a sorority, but during Rush, I was sure to ask each house about the process, and if it was anything like what you would see in the movies. They all assured me that it is nothing like that, and I soon learned that they were right. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t have alcohol shoved down my throat, or frat guys circling me, ready to pounce.
The first day of Rush was completely overwhelming. Going to every house on campus and having to talk to so many girls was the hardest thing I had ever done. But in a way there was something exciting about it, seeing how there was something different about each house and thinking that I could soon possibly be a part of one of these sisterhoods. Every day of Rush was bitter sweet but I always looked forward to the next day and finding out if I was getting closer to where I wanted to be.
Bid day was definitely one of the best days of my college experience. I knew that my life was about to completely change. It was a very fun, and at times draining, process. Pledging was like taking one or two extra classes but it was a very good teacher for time management.
I'm so happy I decided to quit track and to Rush because it really opened my eyes to college. The weekends are no longer dull, I couldn’t ask for better friends, and I know that I have many many shoulders waiting for me to cry on if I’ve had a bad day. I participate in way more community service. I have close bonds with over a hundred girls in my sorority. I'm constantly meeting new people. And I have a place that I can call home while away from home.
I encourage every one to at least try Rush; you learn a lot during the process, and you can see for yourself if it is for you or not for you. Each house is different, so there is a variety of options for you to fit into, and if it’s not something that’s for you, you will know.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Procrastination
Procrastination … I decided to write about it right now because, well, I realized I’ve been doing it for the past couple of hours! I ate dinner and came back to my room at 7 pm, planning on just checking my email and Facebook quickly and then starting homework. All of a sudden I look at the clock and I have no idea where the time went! I usually realize it’s happening but not how much time I am actually taking out of a potentially productive day. Just a little longer chatting on aim, or just one more check of Facebook or MySpace and my email, or going on the website I wanted to check out while on the phone with my boyfriend; sometimes it’s never ending! Then all of a sudden, oops! I didn’t get anything done before my 10 pm water polo practice, and I will definitely pass out on my bed as soon as I get back from the pool.
Procrastination is a whole new game these days. There's so much more scope for it here than anywhere else. Not only are we distracted by the tons of activities we could be doing that do not involve class and homework, but also the computer can become a prison. There is a never-ending world of discovery, information, and contact with friends and family to partake in every day. I do not even have a TV in my room; nor do I play video games, but I know plenty of kids who do and spend way too much time in that arena as well. I am a college freshman right now and the Facebook craze started when I was in high school, where the bad habits began. In high school I found myself on the computer a lot, and that carried over into college. The addiction has gotten worse.
There is one simple aspect of college that you must follow if you want to do well, and that is planning. Plan out your week day by day. Figure out when you will have time to do work, and how much time you know you as a student need to complete each assignment. Although it seems easy to just find time to do your work and get it done, procrastination is often tempting – no, irresistable.
Although allowing yourself to take breaks is healthy, if done for too long and too often you will fall behind. When you're taking a break and you're getting to the end, it's so easy to reply to just that one more email. That leads to your having to check that person's facebook page, go onto chat ... and the evening is over.
Falling behind in college is not fun. Once you are behind on one reading assignment it is very difficult to catch up. There have been times when I have never completely caught up in a class. It’s all about buckling down and getting work done. If you can't avoid your computer, go to the library without it until you get your work done. Turn off the computer? Disconnect it from the internet? Sounds good, but can anyone actually do it?
It’s sad how we have become so addicted to technology. But cold turkey: impossible. It all just has to be controlled.
Procrastination is a whole new game these days. There's so much more scope for it here than anywhere else. Not only are we distracted by the tons of activities we could be doing that do not involve class and homework, but also the computer can become a prison. There is a never-ending world of discovery, information, and contact with friends and family to partake in every day. I do not even have a TV in my room; nor do I play video games, but I know plenty of kids who do and spend way too much time in that arena as well. I am a college freshman right now and the Facebook craze started when I was in high school, where the bad habits began. In high school I found myself on the computer a lot, and that carried over into college. The addiction has gotten worse.
There is one simple aspect of college that you must follow if you want to do well, and that is planning. Plan out your week day by day. Figure out when you will have time to do work, and how much time you know you as a student need to complete each assignment. Although it seems easy to just find time to do your work and get it done, procrastination is often tempting – no, irresistable.
Although allowing yourself to take breaks is healthy, if done for too long and too often you will fall behind. When you're taking a break and you're getting to the end, it's so easy to reply to just that one more email. That leads to your having to check that person's facebook page, go onto chat ... and the evening is over.
Falling behind in college is not fun. Once you are behind on one reading assignment it is very difficult to catch up. There have been times when I have never completely caught up in a class. It’s all about buckling down and getting work done. If you can't avoid your computer, go to the library without it until you get your work done. Turn off the computer? Disconnect it from the internet? Sounds good, but can anyone actually do it?
It’s sad how we have become so addicted to technology. But cold turkey: impossible. It all just has to be controlled.
Stress
I have always been a person who has stressed about things, but up to this year my stress has always revolved around school. However, since I came to university, stress has somehow embodied itself in almost every aspect of my life. There was the stress of choosing and paying for school, the stress of dealing with a worried and sentimental mom, the stress of moving in, the stress of intro week since some kids were partying all the time and constantly knocking at your door not to mention the pee and puke and beer all over the halls. There was the stress about marks and not knowing where you stood: whether you would get 87% or 43%. There was the stress about living on a campus where you could not walk around alone safely at night. And the stress of being completely on your own.
Intro week was tons of fun but it had stress in it too -- on my body; I stayed up until 5 am every night and awoke at 8 am every day so that was hard to get used to. I did get really sick twice. Other than that, intro week was great. It is what you make of it and if you do everything and meet anyone that you can, university will be everything you hoped it would be.
In high school I was always an 80's and 90's student. So when my first work came back in the 60's I was shell shocked. It freaked me out. But everything is relative and it is something you just learn to deal with: the expectations are higher, good marks are harder to come by and as long as you are doing your best, that is all you can do. You can seek out all the resources you want on campus (and you should) but essentially it comes down to you and how much work you're willing to put in.
Living downtown in a big city was a huge adjustment. Having moved from a city where I could walk alone any time of the night, I had developed a sense of false security. I wasn't used to seeing missions and druggies and sketchy guys hanging around; it was disconcerting because it's all just next door. Here I always have to be reminded that I need a buddy to walk home.
It was hard to leave home because you are kind of on your own. That can be difficult, especially when you are sick. There is so much stuff to do that some students will go crazy with all the distractions and slowly go down the tubes. You can usually recognize which ones it will happen to and I was scared for some of my friends because they were used to getting drunk and having people take care of them. But here you can be really on your own. That's why the people who do best are the ones with a strong support network of friends; mine has become my family. The dynamics of friendship here are so different from those at home.
I was scared about stress and so very overwhelmed but I had to develop strategies to deal with it. Sports was one strategy for me. Networking was another.
Here are the lessons I learned: be smart, don't let people change you unless it is for the better, work hard, be sociable. Then you will be fine.
Intro week was tons of fun but it had stress in it too -- on my body; I stayed up until 5 am every night and awoke at 8 am every day so that was hard to get used to. I did get really sick twice. Other than that, intro week was great. It is what you make of it and if you do everything and meet anyone that you can, university will be everything you hoped it would be.
In high school I was always an 80's and 90's student. So when my first work came back in the 60's I was shell shocked. It freaked me out. But everything is relative and it is something you just learn to deal with: the expectations are higher, good marks are harder to come by and as long as you are doing your best, that is all you can do. You can seek out all the resources you want on campus (and you should) but essentially it comes down to you and how much work you're willing to put in.
Living downtown in a big city was a huge adjustment. Having moved from a city where I could walk alone any time of the night, I had developed a sense of false security. I wasn't used to seeing missions and druggies and sketchy guys hanging around; it was disconcerting because it's all just next door. Here I always have to be reminded that I need a buddy to walk home.
It was hard to leave home because you are kind of on your own. That can be difficult, especially when you are sick. There is so much stuff to do that some students will go crazy with all the distractions and slowly go down the tubes. You can usually recognize which ones it will happen to and I was scared for some of my friends because they were used to getting drunk and having people take care of them. But here you can be really on your own. That's why the people who do best are the ones with a strong support network of friends; mine has become my family. The dynamics of friendship here are so different from those at home.
I was scared about stress and so very overwhelmed but I had to develop strategies to deal with it. Sports was one strategy for me. Networking was another.
Here are the lessons I learned: be smart, don't let people change you unless it is for the better, work hard, be sociable. Then you will be fine.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A Positive View of Sororities
I just got initiated into my sorority yesterday and I am pretty excited.
People put down the sorority and fraternity stuff because they don’t understand. So they judge it and stereotype it, especially the pledging and initiation part.
The whole process of pledging and being initiated is about getting to know the house, what it stands for, what the sisters stand for. It’s about getting to know each other. When you go through Rush, you go to all the houses to talk to people, see how they get along. If you stand for what their house stands for and have the same morals, you will cut your selections down to those you feel that way about. I do have to admit though that the process of Rush is a bit like speed dating.
At my school, like many others, we have what is called dry pledging where alcohol is prohibited during those 6 weeks. This means you can’t go out which can be a bummer, but also, you don’t have girls forcing you to drink (like people so often stereotype). I actually appreciate the whole dry pledging rule. During pledging you are learning so much about the house as well as trying to keep up with schoolwork; if drinking were involved I probably would have flunked out. Not going out during pledging makes you focus on the important things so you don’t fall behind in school. And in order to be in a sorority, you have to have and maintain a certain GPA.
People think that we as sorority girls don't have a lot to say. The thing is, we do. The sorority I am in has the highest GPA on campus; we regard ourselves as intelligent and hard working and want people to know that we do much more than party. Not all sororities are superficial.
Sororities are so much more than just being about parties. College is a huge change from high school. You need to learn to be independent and at the same time you are making all new friends. That's hard! First semester I was happy, but it took a lot of effort to meet new people. The girls in this sorority are the girls I have been waiting to meet since I got here. All at once, I have 150 new friends that I feel confident with. I know people might say "how could you like all 150 girls?" and the thing is, I really don't know. Whether you truly like the girl or not, just knowing that they believe in the sorority already gives you something in common. There's always someone to eat dinner with, workout with, hang out with, or go out with. Before I got involved with this sorority, there were so many days when I felt there was just nothing to do and I would stay in or watch a movie or go to the mall. I was bored. But now I feel there is always something to do. It's kind of hard to explain just how great it is, and this is coming from a girl who never ever thought she would be in a sorority; my family still can't believe it.
It’s a safety net; because you are all in the same sorority, you have some assurance that you are compatible with your sisters. I would feel comfortable calling upon any girl in my pledge class to do anything for me, even though I have known them for only six weeks. Mutual trust has built up because we’ve gone through a lot together in the past few weeks that makes us a lot closer. My sisters are supportive. On bid day, the day we got accepted, all of us pledges were so excited. But one of the sisters had a pretty intense family emergency the same day. She was happy about all of the new pledges but it was bittersweet because of what was going on with her family. The sisters were very supportive of her and it made me feel a real sense of belonging, of being amongst others who cared and who would care about me too when I needed it..
Being in the sorority makes me feel like I need to do better so that I can stay in it. It makes me manage my time better, kind of like a supportive parent would do. If I don’t do my work, everything that I have worked for can be taken away. I want it too badly to risk losing it.
Some people say they wouldn’t want to do it because of the stereotype that you are ‘buying your friends’. That’s what my mom thought at the beginning, until I got really into it. Now she sees the benefits to me and she doesn’t feel that way anymore. But I guess some people don’t understand and I guess it’s just not for some people
Some people have found that their relationships with the friends they had before they joined the sorority changed. They found it hard to stay close together and that they drifted apart due to being in different sororities. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You are closer to your sisters in a different way, but that doesn't mean for all girls that their relationships with their other friends change. My two best friends here are in different houses; I still plan on living with them next year and although I didn't get to see them as often as I would have liked during pledging, our relationships have stayed the same. You put effort into your sorority and getting to know it, but friends are friends.
It might be different for older girls who have been in the sorority longer, but it's really just a different type of relationship. You go through things as a pledge class that make you close. You are with them every night of the week for three hours a night intensely getting to know everything about each other, complaining about things together and having great times together. It really brings you together as a group. These are things I have not gone through with my friends outside of the sorority.
It’s easy to judge and to have your misconceptions about something if you are not involved with it and don’t know about it. But if you really go through the process and find out what sororities are all about, if you look at it objectively rather than judge it and assume that it’s like sororities are in movies, you can be involved in a truly amazing experience. It feels so different when you are involved!
Here on campus, there are so many groups to get involved in for people who don’t want to get into sororities. Many of these groups are similar to what you would get out of a sorority. There are sport teams and clubs and in a way, it’s kind of the same thing. You still make friends through the group to hang out with. Last year, I was on the track team and I would usually hang out with my team mates. They were my close friends. And I still hang out with them on the weekend even though none of them are in my sorority.
So don’t believe in stereotypes and what you think being a sorority girl means. Be open-minded. And if you want to do it, don’t make up your mind about which one until you learn about the houses. Even though you think you might know ahead of time what you want, you don’t really know until you make the effort to learn. And once you make up your mind, don’t get scared off by the pledging process. Just try it out and see what happens. Above all, it’s gotta be your call. You are the one who is going to be in it so don’t just do it because your sister liked it or your friend.
I believe there is a sorority and fraternity for everyone if they want it. I would have never thought I would ever be in a sorority. But for me, it’s the best thing I have ever done.
People put down the sorority and fraternity stuff because they don’t understand. So they judge it and stereotype it, especially the pledging and initiation part.
The whole process of pledging and being initiated is about getting to know the house, what it stands for, what the sisters stand for. It’s about getting to know each other. When you go through Rush, you go to all the houses to talk to people, see how they get along. If you stand for what their house stands for and have the same morals, you will cut your selections down to those you feel that way about. I do have to admit though that the process of Rush is a bit like speed dating.
At my school, like many others, we have what is called dry pledging where alcohol is prohibited during those 6 weeks. This means you can’t go out which can be a bummer, but also, you don’t have girls forcing you to drink (like people so often stereotype). I actually appreciate the whole dry pledging rule. During pledging you are learning so much about the house as well as trying to keep up with schoolwork; if drinking were involved I probably would have flunked out. Not going out during pledging makes you focus on the important things so you don’t fall behind in school. And in order to be in a sorority, you have to have and maintain a certain GPA.
People think that we as sorority girls don't have a lot to say. The thing is, we do. The sorority I am in has the highest GPA on campus; we regard ourselves as intelligent and hard working and want people to know that we do much more than party. Not all sororities are superficial.
Sororities are so much more than just being about parties. College is a huge change from high school. You need to learn to be independent and at the same time you are making all new friends. That's hard! First semester I was happy, but it took a lot of effort to meet new people. The girls in this sorority are the girls I have been waiting to meet since I got here. All at once, I have 150 new friends that I feel confident with. I know people might say "how could you like all 150 girls?" and the thing is, I really don't know. Whether you truly like the girl or not, just knowing that they believe in the sorority already gives you something in common. There's always someone to eat dinner with, workout with, hang out with, or go out with. Before I got involved with this sorority, there were so many days when I felt there was just nothing to do and I would stay in or watch a movie or go to the mall. I was bored. But now I feel there is always something to do. It's kind of hard to explain just how great it is, and this is coming from a girl who never ever thought she would be in a sorority; my family still can't believe it.
It’s a safety net; because you are all in the same sorority, you have some assurance that you are compatible with your sisters. I would feel comfortable calling upon any girl in my pledge class to do anything for me, even though I have known them for only six weeks. Mutual trust has built up because we’ve gone through a lot together in the past few weeks that makes us a lot closer. My sisters are supportive. On bid day, the day we got accepted, all of us pledges were so excited. But one of the sisters had a pretty intense family emergency the same day. She was happy about all of the new pledges but it was bittersweet because of what was going on with her family. The sisters were very supportive of her and it made me feel a real sense of belonging, of being amongst others who cared and who would care about me too when I needed it..
Being in the sorority makes me feel like I need to do better so that I can stay in it. It makes me manage my time better, kind of like a supportive parent would do. If I don’t do my work, everything that I have worked for can be taken away. I want it too badly to risk losing it.
Some people say they wouldn’t want to do it because of the stereotype that you are ‘buying your friends’. That’s what my mom thought at the beginning, until I got really into it. Now she sees the benefits to me and she doesn’t feel that way anymore. But I guess some people don’t understand and I guess it’s just not for some people
Some people have found that their relationships with the friends they had before they joined the sorority changed. They found it hard to stay close together and that they drifted apart due to being in different sororities. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You are closer to your sisters in a different way, but that doesn't mean for all girls that their relationships with their other friends change. My two best friends here are in different houses; I still plan on living with them next year and although I didn't get to see them as often as I would have liked during pledging, our relationships have stayed the same. You put effort into your sorority and getting to know it, but friends are friends.
It might be different for older girls who have been in the sorority longer, but it's really just a different type of relationship. You go through things as a pledge class that make you close. You are with them every night of the week for three hours a night intensely getting to know everything about each other, complaining about things together and having great times together. It really brings you together as a group. These are things I have not gone through with my friends outside of the sorority.
It’s easy to judge and to have your misconceptions about something if you are not involved with it and don’t know about it. But if you really go through the process and find out what sororities are all about, if you look at it objectively rather than judge it and assume that it’s like sororities are in movies, you can be involved in a truly amazing experience. It feels so different when you are involved!
Here on campus, there are so many groups to get involved in for people who don’t want to get into sororities. Many of these groups are similar to what you would get out of a sorority. There are sport teams and clubs and in a way, it’s kind of the same thing. You still make friends through the group to hang out with. Last year, I was on the track team and I would usually hang out with my team mates. They were my close friends. And I still hang out with them on the weekend even though none of them are in my sorority.
So don’t believe in stereotypes and what you think being a sorority girl means. Be open-minded. And if you want to do it, don’t make up your mind about which one until you learn about the houses. Even though you think you might know ahead of time what you want, you don’t really know until you make the effort to learn. And once you make up your mind, don’t get scared off by the pledging process. Just try it out and see what happens. Above all, it’s gotta be your call. You are the one who is going to be in it so don’t just do it because your sister liked it or your friend.
I believe there is a sorority and fraternity for everyone if they want it. I would have never thought I would ever be in a sorority. But for me, it’s the best thing I have ever done.
More roommates
One of your biggest concerns before heading off to college is probably your roommate. During the summer, the university sends your roommate's name, contact information and email address which is good because you can then look each other up on Facebook. You can learn about your roommate by reading the Facebook page and communicate with each other by email. Your roommate may seem to be the best person in the world -- until you spend a week or two together. This happened to me.
Over the summer, my roommate and I talked a lot through email and we both became extremely excited to have been matched as roommates. We coordinated what we were both going to bring and we planned things that we could do together. I could not have been happier that I was rooming with her.
However after two weeks, my impression of her completely changed. Don't get me wrong, she is probably a great person. But our personalities clashed way too much to be able to room together. My roommate is a passive individual. When she is with her friends and having a good time she seems like a lot of fun. Not so when you live with her.
My roommate cried numerous times because she was not happy living with me. I'm not one to talk to someone when they're crying, at least not when I don't really know them well and perhaps, don't even like them. So I let her cry for the first few times. Then it got really annoying.
Why was she crying? Well, I'm a fairly independent person. I like to be busy all the time and get a lot of work done. When I was in my room, I usually had lots of homework to do. She didn't like being ignored and after a couple of months, she said she felt like she couldn't ever be in the room when I was. So she spent the majority of her time in the floor lounge rather than our room when I was in there.
Sometimes I would accidentally fell asleep with my television on a bit too loud and that would upset her. Yet she didn't like it when I asked her to be quieter. I had early classes, and she would either come in after I fell asleep or even more often, as I was falling asleep, and then she would open and close her obnoxiously loud and heavy closet doors. I'm an extremely light sleeper so this would wake me up; she would do this in the morning as well.
The worst part was that, too many times, she didn't tell me that I was upsetting her until afterwards. We tried talking about it. But I was always busy with homework when she wanted to talk to me, so I wouldn't be what she called 'engaged enough' in the conversation. This would get her even more upset and lead to more crying.
All in all, what I'm trying to say is that you may think that you and your roommate will be the best match and that you're going to have a great time, but until you really know your roommate's habits, his or her personality and everything else, don't get too excited.
Know that you both need to work on pleasing the other. If your roommate is a neat freak, please tidy up your side of the room a bit when it gets disastrous. Don't go too far out of your way to please your roommate, but be sure to keep it in mind.
Oh, and one more thing. I've known people who've come to university along with friends from home, and then the two of them had each other as roommates. Maybe it can sometimes work, but it can be dangerous to the friendship too. If it doesn't work out, it can cost you the friendship. And that's what I've seen.
Back to my own experience: I may not have thought about her feelings as much as I should have. I now know that I could have been wrong in that aspect. But sometimes roommates are just not meant to be. And although an experience like that might seem to be the worst match of roommates, you can grow from it, and you should grow from it. Luckily, I moved out after one semester. And lucky her - she got that huge room to myself while I got stuck with someone else who didn't turn out to be too much better. But I know I've grown from it, and that is what is most important.
Over the summer, my roommate and I talked a lot through email and we both became extremely excited to have been matched as roommates. We coordinated what we were both going to bring and we planned things that we could do together. I could not have been happier that I was rooming with her.
However after two weeks, my impression of her completely changed. Don't get me wrong, she is probably a great person. But our personalities clashed way too much to be able to room together. My roommate is a passive individual. When she is with her friends and having a good time she seems like a lot of fun. Not so when you live with her.
My roommate cried numerous times because she was not happy living with me. I'm not one to talk to someone when they're crying, at least not when I don't really know them well and perhaps, don't even like them. So I let her cry for the first few times. Then it got really annoying.
Why was she crying? Well, I'm a fairly independent person. I like to be busy all the time and get a lot of work done. When I was in my room, I usually had lots of homework to do. She didn't like being ignored and after a couple of months, she said she felt like she couldn't ever be in the room when I was. So she spent the majority of her time in the floor lounge rather than our room when I was in there.
Sometimes I would accidentally fell asleep with my television on a bit too loud and that would upset her. Yet she didn't like it when I asked her to be quieter. I had early classes, and she would either come in after I fell asleep or even more often, as I was falling asleep, and then she would open and close her obnoxiously loud and heavy closet doors. I'm an extremely light sleeper so this would wake me up; she would do this in the morning as well.
The worst part was that, too many times, she didn't tell me that I was upsetting her until afterwards. We tried talking about it. But I was always busy with homework when she wanted to talk to me, so I wouldn't be what she called 'engaged enough' in the conversation. This would get her even more upset and lead to more crying.
All in all, what I'm trying to say is that you may think that you and your roommate will be the best match and that you're going to have a great time, but until you really know your roommate's habits, his or her personality and everything else, don't get too excited.
Know that you both need to work on pleasing the other. If your roommate is a neat freak, please tidy up your side of the room a bit when it gets disastrous. Don't go too far out of your way to please your roommate, but be sure to keep it in mind.
Oh, and one more thing. I've known people who've come to university along with friends from home, and then the two of them had each other as roommates. Maybe it can sometimes work, but it can be dangerous to the friendship too. If it doesn't work out, it can cost you the friendship. And that's what I've seen.
Back to my own experience: I may not have thought about her feelings as much as I should have. I now know that I could have been wrong in that aspect. But sometimes roommates are just not meant to be. And although an experience like that might seem to be the worst match of roommates, you can grow from it, and you should grow from it. Luckily, I moved out after one semester. And lucky her - she got that huge room to myself while I got stuck with someone else who didn't turn out to be too much better. But I know I've grown from it, and that is what is most important.
Gained: New Friends. Lost: One Sister
When I came to college, I only had to move an hour away. My home was just a short drive to my dorm room. However, even that small distance gave me the room I needed to grow. I've changed a lot since my first day on campus.
Before coming here, I was a little more reserved and definitely less outgoing. After getting into the swing of things at the university, I met a lot of people and was able to put myself out there a little more. I've definitely become, as many would say, a "social whore". I text and facebook my friends like it's a full time job. The social aspect of my life has began to strongly outweigh the academic aspect, something that I would have never let happen in high school.
Partying is another part of college that I've began to embrace. I love going out with my friends and just having a good time. It's my way to unwind after a stressful week of frantically trying to get everything done. This is one of the biggest changes that I have experienced. Before entering college, I was against drinking altogether. I never went to parties, and I refused to drink at all. Now, things are a little different. I enjoy the partying, as well as the drinking, that college makes so easily accessible.
As a result of many of these changes, I lost touch with my younger sister. She's only two years younger than me, and we had been peas in a pod for the last three years. We did most of the same activities in high school, including bowling, marching band, and tutoring French. Everyone knew us as "Big Sister" and "Little Sister". It was so hard leaving her when I packed my things for college. We cried a lot, and talked to each other very frequently for the first few weeks.
However, after a couple months passed, our chats grew further and further apart. Now, we only talk when I go home to visit. Why? She claims that I'm not the same person who left for the university nine months ago, and she had trouble accepting that. I feel abandoned by her, like she doesn't care about me anymore. Because I am more outgoing, and more social than I was before, I'm not worthy of her attention. She has not been the supportive sister that I thought she would be for me.
It's funny how I finally have the social life that I had always wanted in high school, and in the process of getting it, have lost the person I was closest to. My parents always told me to hold close to my sister, because she and I will be friends longer than anyone else we have ever met.
I feel like things will eventually work out between us. Right now, it feels like the kind of interaction two business partners would engage in; there is no depth to our conversations. When I go back to visit home, there is definitely a difference in the way we interact with each other. My bet is that when she ventures off to college, she will encounter very similar situations and begin to understand the other side of the story a little better.
Now, there's nothing I can do to salvage our relationship until she can learn to accept me for who I am. But I want my real sister back!
Before coming here, I was a little more reserved and definitely less outgoing. After getting into the swing of things at the university, I met a lot of people and was able to put myself out there a little more. I've definitely become, as many would say, a "social whore". I text and facebook my friends like it's a full time job. The social aspect of my life has began to strongly outweigh the academic aspect, something that I would have never let happen in high school.
Partying is another part of college that I've began to embrace. I love going out with my friends and just having a good time. It's my way to unwind after a stressful week of frantically trying to get everything done. This is one of the biggest changes that I have experienced. Before entering college, I was against drinking altogether. I never went to parties, and I refused to drink at all. Now, things are a little different. I enjoy the partying, as well as the drinking, that college makes so easily accessible.
As a result of many of these changes, I lost touch with my younger sister. She's only two years younger than me, and we had been peas in a pod for the last three years. We did most of the same activities in high school, including bowling, marching band, and tutoring French. Everyone knew us as "Big Sister" and "Little Sister". It was so hard leaving her when I packed my things for college. We cried a lot, and talked to each other very frequently for the first few weeks.
However, after a couple months passed, our chats grew further and further apart. Now, we only talk when I go home to visit. Why? She claims that I'm not the same person who left for the university nine months ago, and she had trouble accepting that. I feel abandoned by her, like she doesn't care about me anymore. Because I am more outgoing, and more social than I was before, I'm not worthy of her attention. She has not been the supportive sister that I thought she would be for me.
It's funny how I finally have the social life that I had always wanted in high school, and in the process of getting it, have lost the person I was closest to. My parents always told me to hold close to my sister, because she and I will be friends longer than anyone else we have ever met.
I feel like things will eventually work out between us. Right now, it feels like the kind of interaction two business partners would engage in; there is no depth to our conversations. When I go back to visit home, there is definitely a difference in the way we interact with each other. My bet is that when she ventures off to college, she will encounter very similar situations and begin to understand the other side of the story a little better.
Now, there's nothing I can do to salvage our relationship until she can learn to accept me for who I am. But I want my real sister back!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
How am I doing and how do I know how I'm doing?
One of the problems I have is not knowing how I'm doing in the various courses. Some courses have tests, so we can bring them home and compare how we did with others who are taking the same course. But what about the other hundreds of people who are there? There's no real way to know.
Worse, though, are the courses that don't have tests; the first thing we do that they'll see is a paper that has to be handed in sometime in October. First of all, of course, with all the other things we have to do, and all the other things that are going on like people coming by and saying, "Come on, let's go and ...", it's hard to find time to even begin it. For me, I neglect it for a while and I wake up in the night and go into a panic attack about it, because I haven't done it. Well, actually, haven't begun it. Then the next morning I get up and put it all out on my desk and open windows on the computer before I go to breakfast or the first class of the day. Then when I get back home, it's there and it's hard not to notice it or to do anything else at my desk or even on the computer -- I'm too afraid that if I do start something else it'll crash the computer and everything I've opened up will be lost. Then I might not be able to remember everything that's was there.
So I have a strong incentive to begin it, then I get into it, and with any luck I get interested in it and actually want to continue doing it. Actually, I've done this twice up to now, and one of the papers I've actually finished! In September. And the deadline was October 29th! Feels really good.
But then there's still the original problem: I don't know whether it's the kind of thing that will get good marks. How do I know what the prof wants? I've read all the instructions and guidelines over and over again; they look quite clear and my paper fits into them quite well. But rumours keep going around, seemingly originating with people who were in the same course last year, that he's a really harsh marker and that he trashes people to the point that they're in tears. The paper looks good to me, and to a couple of people I've shown it to. (But then they would say that, wouldn't they? And there are some I wouldn't show it to because I don't want my ideas stolen.)
So I still have the uncertain feeling. People I've talked to in second and third years say it's normal, and that I should get used to it or get over it. Yeah right. Maybe I should try to get one of the TAs to help me; they're not really supposed to do your work for you, or even to help you with the papers, but I might get some insights about what the Prof really wants. Or maybe I could find some second-year students who I could talk to about this Prof. Then again, they've all got their own stuff to deal with, so why should they worry about someone like me? Still, I'll be on the lookout for the opportunity.
Worse, though, are the courses that don't have tests; the first thing we do that they'll see is a paper that has to be handed in sometime in October. First of all, of course, with all the other things we have to do, and all the other things that are going on like people coming by and saying, "Come on, let's go and ...", it's hard to find time to even begin it. For me, I neglect it for a while and I wake up in the night and go into a panic attack about it, because I haven't done it. Well, actually, haven't begun it. Then the next morning I get up and put it all out on my desk and open windows on the computer before I go to breakfast or the first class of the day. Then when I get back home, it's there and it's hard not to notice it or to do anything else at my desk or even on the computer -- I'm too afraid that if I do start something else it'll crash the computer and everything I've opened up will be lost. Then I might not be able to remember everything that's was there.
So I have a strong incentive to begin it, then I get into it, and with any luck I get interested in it and actually want to continue doing it. Actually, I've done this twice up to now, and one of the papers I've actually finished! In September. And the deadline was October 29th! Feels really good.
But then there's still the original problem: I don't know whether it's the kind of thing that will get good marks. How do I know what the prof wants? I've read all the instructions and guidelines over and over again; they look quite clear and my paper fits into them quite well. But rumours keep going around, seemingly originating with people who were in the same course last year, that he's a really harsh marker and that he trashes people to the point that they're in tears. The paper looks good to me, and to a couple of people I've shown it to. (But then they would say that, wouldn't they? And there are some I wouldn't show it to because I don't want my ideas stolen.)
So I still have the uncertain feeling. People I've talked to in second and third years say it's normal, and that I should get used to it or get over it. Yeah right. Maybe I should try to get one of the TAs to help me; they're not really supposed to do your work for you, or even to help you with the papers, but I might get some insights about what the Prof really wants. Or maybe I could find some second-year students who I could talk to about this Prof. Then again, they've all got their own stuff to deal with, so why should they worry about someone like me? Still, I'll be on the lookout for the opportunity.
Taking Advantage of what's available
One difference between High School and University is that here, no-one really seems to care about how you do. It's hard, actually, to see how the Profs really could. With hundreds of students, there's no way that they could keep track of everyone like High School teachers do. But it's easy to get depressed, and to feel you're left there all on your own, not knowing what to do. Well, if you take that view, you're lost. Or you can take control again. So if you're not sure of something in a course, or if you have problems with something in it, it's really important that you take some action before it's too late.
First, there are the TAs -- Teacher Assistants, who are mostly Grad students who are there to make a bit of extra money. There are times and places posted where they'll be available, and most of them seem to know the Prof quite well: what he wants and and how he likes things done. Not all are any use. Some aren't interested in you, and just seem to brush you off. If that happens, you just have to find another one, maybe at a different time. On the other hand, if you're sneaky and make nice with some of the TAs, they'll maybe end up giving you more help than they really should.
When I was a freshman coming here, I realized my second semester that it is all about learning what your Profs want. It’s not about how you write but it’s how they want you to write. They each have their own personalized favourite way of how students write. You just have to learn what they want. So it helps to talk to TAs who know the prof and to people who have taken the course before with that prof. They can tell you the real rules which are often different from what the prof says at the start of the year.
Next, there is something called the Writing Center. You can take a paper there that you've written, or the part of it you've done, and someone there will look at it and tell you if it's any good and make suggestions about how to improve it and how you could go on from what you've done.
These are the ones I've used. Looking back, I'm not sure they've actually improved my work all that much. But what they have done, though, is made me feel better and given me confidence. I'll probably continue to use the TAs, but I don't really need the Writing Center that much any more.
I've looked around a bit more while I was preparing to tell you about all this, and I've discovered that the University has quite a few offices to help people who need it. In fact, there's a special office for students who are transferring here from somewhere else, or maybe just doing a course or two here that their own University doesn't have. Another special office deals with people with disabilities of various kinds, including learning disabilities. It helps them work around some of the things they can't do easily, and it also contacts the Profs and asks, for example, for extra time on tests and maybe a quieter place to do them. For people whose problems go a bit deeper than mine, there's a Study and Tutoring Center. I talked to someone who went there, and he said that they helped him organize his time so that he could get down to work and not just waste time worrying about not being able to even begin to do his work. As well, there's an Office of Student Support which amongst other things helps people who are ill, depressed, or whatever.
Those are just the places I've found out about so far; there are probably more. This University makes a real effort to keep you in school and not have you drop out. I'm sure other Universities have the same kinds of services as well. But nothing is any use to you if you don't take the initiative to go wherever it is, and use whatever is there. I'm glad I found out about all these other places. I don't expect to need them myself (hope not anyway), but maybe there'll be friends who are having trouble that I can send to the right place for some help. And, knowing that these things are there makes me feel a lot better about myself and my time here than I was feeling in September, when everything seemed so big and impersonal.
First, there are the TAs -- Teacher Assistants, who are mostly Grad students who are there to make a bit of extra money. There are times and places posted where they'll be available, and most of them seem to know the Prof quite well: what he wants and and how he likes things done. Not all are any use. Some aren't interested in you, and just seem to brush you off. If that happens, you just have to find another one, maybe at a different time. On the other hand, if you're sneaky and make nice with some of the TAs, they'll maybe end up giving you more help than they really should.
When I was a freshman coming here, I realized my second semester that it is all about learning what your Profs want. It’s not about how you write but it’s how they want you to write. They each have their own personalized favourite way of how students write. You just have to learn what they want. So it helps to talk to TAs who know the prof and to people who have taken the course before with that prof. They can tell you the real rules which are often different from what the prof says at the start of the year.
Next, there is something called the Writing Center. You can take a paper there that you've written, or the part of it you've done, and someone there will look at it and tell you if it's any good and make suggestions about how to improve it and how you could go on from what you've done.
These are the ones I've used. Looking back, I'm not sure they've actually improved my work all that much. But what they have done, though, is made me feel better and given me confidence. I'll probably continue to use the TAs, but I don't really need the Writing Center that much any more.
I've looked around a bit more while I was preparing to tell you about all this, and I've discovered that the University has quite a few offices to help people who need it. In fact, there's a special office for students who are transferring here from somewhere else, or maybe just doing a course or two here that their own University doesn't have. Another special office deals with people with disabilities of various kinds, including learning disabilities. It helps them work around some of the things they can't do easily, and it also contacts the Profs and asks, for example, for extra time on tests and maybe a quieter place to do them. For people whose problems go a bit deeper than mine, there's a Study and Tutoring Center. I talked to someone who went there, and he said that they helped him organize his time so that he could get down to work and not just waste time worrying about not being able to even begin to do his work. As well, there's an Office of Student Support which amongst other things helps people who are ill, depressed, or whatever.
Those are just the places I've found out about so far; there are probably more. This University makes a real effort to keep you in school and not have you drop out. I'm sure other Universities have the same kinds of services as well. But nothing is any use to you if you don't take the initiative to go wherever it is, and use whatever is there. I'm glad I found out about all these other places. I don't expect to need them myself (hope not anyway), but maybe there'll be friends who are having trouble that I can send to the right place for some help. And, knowing that these things are there makes me feel a lot better about myself and my time here than I was feeling in September, when everything seemed so big and impersonal.
Prof's Non-native English
EDITORS' NOTE: The first part of this piece was written in September, the second part in November.
I have this Prof who doesn't speak English. Well it's supposed to be English, but it's so disjointed and garbled that it's really hard to hear anything at all he says. Even when his slides are there on the screen and he seems to be saying the same thing that's written there, it's still hard to get more than about a quarter of it. People ask him in a nice way to repeat stuff, he does it a bit slower, and then it's possible to kind of get the gist. But then before too long it's back to the old speed again, and his old way of talking.
Then someone told him (in a nice way which I thought at the time he didn't deserve) that she was having trouble hearing what he was saying, and asked what to do. He told her to look at the slides because everything was there. Well, the slides are online, so if everything's on them, why go to the class? And actually, maybe everything is on them, but you can't understand what it's all about just by looking at them, no matter how hard you look at them and try to make sense of them. Once, a group of us from the class got together with them and tried to figure them out, but we didn't get far. It all really has to be explained. Even when we ask the TA's, they haven't learned it from the same Prof, and it takes them a bit of time to be able to figure out the slides and explain to us what's going on. About a quarter of one lecture gets done, and we have three lectures each week.
It's extremely frustrating, especially because it's a course I need. And from the few parts that I can understand, it's obvious that he's very knowledgeable about it, and really cares: it's stuff that matters and we need to know it. In that way, he's good. But in the other way, it makes it all even worse. I want this material, I need it, but I can't find a way to get it. We did ask one of the TA's what we could do, but he said that if we complained to the administration, there wouldn't be anything they could do either. Not hire him next year, maybe, but that doesn't do any good for us this year. Besides, he's actually very nice, and if we could only understand what he says he'd be a really good teacher.
Most people in the course don't seem to be any better off than I am, which I suppose makes it better. At least, if I was the only one, it would be worse. But it's very hard to see what to do.
In September I wrote a piece about one of my Profs, and how hard it was to understand his English. Well, now it's November and the situation has improved a lot. It's still a struggle, but most of us can get most of the stuff most of the time.
I think he's slowed down quite a lot, and he certainly puts a lot more on his slides. Maybe his English is better too, or perhaps we've got used to it somewhat. Could be, too, that the TA's and other Profs have spoken to him and he realized that he had to do things differently. Whatever the reason, it's a lot better than it was. As I'd suspected, he's a really good Prof, and I'm enjoying his classes a lot. I didn't admit it to you at the time, but I had toyed with the idea of dropping the course and getting the credit at another time, or maybe in another way. I'm glad I didn't do that.
I have this Prof who doesn't speak English. Well it's supposed to be English, but it's so disjointed and garbled that it's really hard to hear anything at all he says. Even when his slides are there on the screen and he seems to be saying the same thing that's written there, it's still hard to get more than about a quarter of it. People ask him in a nice way to repeat stuff, he does it a bit slower, and then it's possible to kind of get the gist. But then before too long it's back to the old speed again, and his old way of talking.
Then someone told him (in a nice way which I thought at the time he didn't deserve) that she was having trouble hearing what he was saying, and asked what to do. He told her to look at the slides because everything was there. Well, the slides are online, so if everything's on them, why go to the class? And actually, maybe everything is on them, but you can't understand what it's all about just by looking at them, no matter how hard you look at them and try to make sense of them. Once, a group of us from the class got together with them and tried to figure them out, but we didn't get far. It all really has to be explained. Even when we ask the TA's, they haven't learned it from the same Prof, and it takes them a bit of time to be able to figure out the slides and explain to us what's going on. About a quarter of one lecture gets done, and we have three lectures each week.
It's extremely frustrating, especially because it's a course I need. And from the few parts that I can understand, it's obvious that he's very knowledgeable about it, and really cares: it's stuff that matters and we need to know it. In that way, he's good. But in the other way, it makes it all even worse. I want this material, I need it, but I can't find a way to get it. We did ask one of the TA's what we could do, but he said that if we complained to the administration, there wouldn't be anything they could do either. Not hire him next year, maybe, but that doesn't do any good for us this year. Besides, he's actually very nice, and if we could only understand what he says he'd be a really good teacher.
Most people in the course don't seem to be any better off than I am, which I suppose makes it better. At least, if I was the only one, it would be worse. But it's very hard to see what to do.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
In September I wrote a piece about one of my Profs, and how hard it was to understand his English. Well, now it's November and the situation has improved a lot. It's still a struggle, but most of us can get most of the stuff most of the time.
I think he's slowed down quite a lot, and he certainly puts a lot more on his slides. Maybe his English is better too, or perhaps we've got used to it somewhat. Could be, too, that the TA's and other Profs have spoken to him and he realized that he had to do things differently. Whatever the reason, it's a lot better than it was. As I'd suspected, he's a really good Prof, and I'm enjoying his classes a lot. I didn't admit it to you at the time, but I had toyed with the idea of dropping the course and getting the credit at another time, or maybe in another way. I'm glad I didn't do that.
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